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mydadiscar

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Fairykang

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A physical addiction to tranquilizers is standard treatment for mental health. Also, if you refuse to take the tranquilizers it means you have lack of awareness of your illness and need to be locked up and medicated by force. We're already living in a cyberpunk dystopia.
 

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A physical addiction to tranquilizers is standard treatment for mental health. Also, if you refuse to take the tranquilizers it means you have lack of awareness of your illness and need to be locked up and medicated by force. We're already living in a cyberpunk dystopia.
Wanna talk about tranquilizers? Bitch, vodka is the only med i need.
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Andy Kaufman

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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
 
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shinobu

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Ingredients​

Cake​

  • 1L Sunflower Oil (1 bottle)
  • 1.6kg Butter (8 blocks)
  • 500g Pastry Flour
  • 200g Sprinkle Candies
  • 50g Salt
  • 300g Coffee
  • 420g Bacon (7 strips)
  • 100g Egg (1 egg)

Filling​

  • 250mL Lime Curd
  • 500mL Chocolate Cream
  • 250mL Blueberry Filling

Frosting/Icing​

  • Chocolate Cream Cheese
  • Strawberry Whipped Cream
  • Caramel
  • Chestnut Cream
  • Chocolate Ganache
  • Cookie Dough Frosting

Decorations​

  • 150mL Blue Food Dye
  • 360g Jelly Beans
  • 480g Cinnamon powder

Churros​

  • 500mL White Vinegar (1 bottle)
  • 200g Butter (1 block)
  • 200g Dark Chocolate (1 tablet)
  • 200g White Chocolate (1 tablet)
  • 500g Pastry Flour
  • 10g Lemon Zest

Utensils​

  • 1 Kneading Bowl
  • 1 Kneading Machine
  • 1 Paddle attachment
  • 1 Big Pot
  • 1 Stove
  • 1 Dough Dispenser
  • 1 Churros attachment
  • 1 Round cake pan
  • 1 Medium square cake pan
  • 1 Small heart-shaped cake pan
  • 1 Big rotating plate
  • 1 Filling Gun
  • 1 Frosting/Icing Container
  • 1 Confectionery spatula
  • 1 Pastry Syringe
  • Any Pastry Syringe attachment
  • 1 Scoop
  • 2 Cake Trays (optional)
  • 1 trash can

Instructions​

First Layer​

  1. In a Big Pot, heat up 1 liter of Sunflower Oil.
  2. Melt 600g of Butter in that pot.
  3. Place the Soup in a Kneading Bowl.
  4. Throw the Big Pot into a trashcan.
  5. Add 300g of Pastry Flour.
  6. Add 200g of Sprinkle Candies.
  7. Add 50g of Salt.
  8. Use the Paddle attachment and turn on the Kneading Machine.
  9. Pour the resulting dough into a Round Cake Pan.
  10. Bake for 4 minutes and 50 seconds at 190°C.
  11. Store the remaining dough into a drawer.
  12. Take the cake out of the cake pan.
  13. Throw the cake pan into a trashcan.
  14. Place the cake on a Big Rotating Plate.
  15. Fill a Filling Gun with 250mL Lime Curd.
  16. Fill the cake with Lime Curd.
  17. Throw the remaining filling in the gun into a trashcan.
  18. Fill a Frosting/Icing Container with Chocolate Cream Cheese.
  19. Use a Confectionery spatula to place Chocolate Cream Cheese on the top of the cake, not its side.
  20. Throw the 90% remaining Chocolate Cream Cheese into a trashcan, then fill the Frosting/Icing Container with Strawberry Whipped Cream.
  21. Use the Confectionary spatula to place Strawberry Whipped Cream on the side of the cake.
  22. Throw the 90% remaining Strawberry Whipped Cream into a trashcan.
  23. Empty 150mL of Blue Food Dye into the pastry of a Pastry Syringe.
  24. Draw a strange shape on the cake using the Pastry Syringe.

Second Layer​

  1. In a Kneading Bowl, add 1kg of Butter and 300g of Coffee.
  2. Use the Paddle attachment and turn on the Kneading Machine.
  3. Pour the dough into a Medium square cake pan.
  4. Bake for 3 minutes and 50 seconds at 160°C.
  5. Throw the remaining dough into a trashcan.
  6. Take the cake out of the cake pan.
  7. Throw the cake pan into a trashcan.
  8. Place the cake on the floor.
  9. Fill a Filling Gun with 250mL Coconut Cream.
  10. Fill the cake with Coconut Cream.
  11. Throw the remaining filling in the gun into a trashcan.
  12. Fill a Frosting/Icing Container with Caramel.
  13. Use the Confectionary spatula to place Caramel on the top of the cake, not its side.
  14. Throw the 90% remaining Caramel into a trashcan, then fill the Frosting/Icing Container with Chestnut Cream.
  15. Use the Confectionary spatula to place Chestnut Cream on the side of the cake.
  16. Throw the 90% remaining Chestnut Cream into a trashcan.
  17. Draw a strange shape on the cake using the blue-dyed Pastry Syringe.

Third Layer​

  1. In a Kneading Bowl, add 420g Bacon, 1 Egg with its shell (100g) and 200g Pastry Flour.
  2. Use the Paddle attachment and turn on the Kneading Machine.
  3. Pour the dough into a Small heart-shaped cake pan.
  4. Bake for 2 minutes and 30 seconds at 150°C.
  5. Throw the remaining dough into a trashcan.
  6. Take the cake out of the cake pan.
  7. Throw the cake pan into a trashcan.
  8. Place the cake on the floor.
  9. Fill a Filling Gun with 250mL Blueberry Filling.
  10. Fill the cake with Blueberry Filling.
  11. Throw the remaining filling in the gun into a trashcan.
  12. Fill a Frosting/Icing Container with Chocolate Ganache.
  13. Use the Confectionary spatula to place Chocolate Ganache on the top of the cake, not its side.
  14. Throw the 90% remaining Chocolate Ganache into a trashcan, then fill the Frosting/Icing Container with Cookie Dough Frosting.
  15. Use the Confectionary spatula to place Cookie Dough Frosting on the side of the cake.
  16. Throw the 90% remaining Cookie Dough Frosting into a trashcan.
  17. Throw the Frosting/Icing Container and the Confectionary spatula into a trashcan.
  18. Cover the top of the cake with pastry from the blue-dyed Pastry Syringe.
  19. Throw the Pastry Syringe into a trashcan.

Dressing​

  1. Stack the second layer on top of the first layer.
  2. Stack the third layer on top of the second layer.
  3. Fill a Scoop with 120g Jelly Beans.
  4. Drop all the Jelly Beans onto the third layer.
  5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 twice.
  6. Fill a Scoop with 120g Cinnamon powder.
  7. Drop the Cinnamon powder all over the cake.
  8. Repeat steps 6 and 7 until the cake looks like it is very moldy.
  9. Serve the cake.
  10. Throw the Big Rotating Plate into a trashcan.

Churros​

  1. In a Kneading Bowl, pour 500mL White Vinegar and add 200g Butter, 200g Dark Chocolate, 200g White Chocolate, 500g Pastry Flour and 10g Lemon Zest.
  2. Use the Paddle attachment and turn on the Kneading Machine.
  3. Put the dough in a Dough Dispenser with a Churros attachment.
  4. Throw the Kneading Bowl and the Paddle attachment into a trashcan.
  5. Dispense 59 churros into the Deep Fryer.
  6. Throw the dough, the Dough Dispenser and the Churros attachment into a trash can.
  7. Fry the churros until they turn completely black.
  8. Place all the churros on two Cake Trays, or throw them onto the floor.
  9. Fill a Filling Gun with 250mL Chocolate Cream.
  10. Fill each of the churros with Chocolate Cream.
  11. Throw the remaining 250mL Chocolate Cream in the gun, and the Filling Gun itself, into a trashcan.
  12. Serve the churros.
  13. Throw the two Cake Trays into a trashcan.
  14. Throw the trashcan into a trashcan.
 
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Andy Kaufman

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@IlluminatiPirate where is my incel twitter? (Status updates from the index page are gone)
 
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IlluminatiPirate

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