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Everything you need to know about Captain Kutchie Key Lime Pie

monkahhm Since Captain Kutchie's Key Lime Pie posts has been researched extensively over the years, this post is an aggregation of several blogs and subreddits. monkahhm
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Spam! Spam! Spam! It's everywhere! Anyone that is semi tech literate knows of all the tricks and trades of scammers online. There the nigerian email spam, the viagra pills spam, the torrent virus spam, and those annoying pop up spams. All of these examples has some motive behind them such as getting you to send money to the nigerian guy in a promise to give you a percentage of his inheritance in return, or the torrent virus getting installed on your computer in hopes of accessing your files and holding them for ransom; but what about the spam that has no basis of logic behind them?

I am talking about this particular spam posts that ranges as far back as 2009. I am talking of course of the infamous Captain Kutchie Key Lime pie posts. You can find these posts in comments, blogs, news articles, you name it.

This has gone on for a decade now and still now one knows what the hell is going on! but not anymore. I will layout the foundation of Captain Kutchie Key Lime pie posts from the beginning.



A quick run down of the "Key Lime Pie" mystery elegantly stated from an anon within that thread:

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This mystery is about thousands of strange reviews left on various websites about a restaurant called "Kutchie's Key West", Kutchie's opened in 1978, it was located in Asheville and owned by Oswald Pelaez Jr. (a.k.a. Kutchie) and Anita Pelaez. The strange posts praise the restaurant and talk about how great their Key Lime Pie is, the reviews are very repetitious and odd, they cover themes of s*x, politics and current-affairs but they all have one thing in common thats always mentioned "Captain Kutchies Key Lime Pie". A lot of the posts were done by a "Jake Carson", and tons of other random accounts, but the posts are all very similar.


Now if someone were to just come across this review they'd think it was just that, a review. But here's the thing, there is no "Kutchie's Key West" in business anymore. The restaurant closed around the year 2006, long before the posts even started.

The oldest post was from 2009 and stopped in 2016, so 7 years of someone/something posting reviews for a restaurant that doesn't even exist anymore. This person/bot or whatever it is, has thousands of accounts on websites that generally require verified emails or captcha's. Some of the posts are on cooking sites, social media, tabloid articles and sometimes news articles. KLP posts were made on a regular basis until late 2016, when the posting frequency decreased markedly.


This decrease in posting coincides with the first mention of KLP on >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk. Only a handful of posts were made after 2016 and it's often difficult to tell whether these were posted by the real KLP poster or by copycats. KLP posts the comments under a variety of pseudonyms but Jake Carson, Willie Jordan and Roger Ramjet are the most common ones.

Now let's get started.

This is the first post recorded by the name of Jimmy buffet to post about Kutchies Key West restaurant. On its surface it looks like a typical bot post that you would see in any blog comment section. However, this has been going on for 10 years already and it just gets weirder and weird spam comment.

However, another thing to note is that the first few months of posting, the comments would be exclusively made onto food related blogs or review sites. Also, the commentators choice of account name is another thing to consider. He would often use names of celebrities such as, Jimmy Buffett, Jake Carson, Christie Brinkley, Willie Jordan and Roger Ramjet. Roger Ramjet is a cartoon from the 60s, one episode of which involves spies hiding messages in pies (!) The origin of the other names is unclear.

The use of celebrity names is seemlily used to give an endorsement to the restaurant but in the first few years it appears it has no connection to the content of the posts.

Someone has spent several years posting strange messages about "Captain Kutchie Key Lime Pies" all over the internet. The poster effusively praises the key lime pies and Goody Goody cheeseburgers served at Kutchie's Key West Café, claiming that they're the best in the world and that celebrities from all over America visit Kuchie's just to taste their key lime pie.

Looking at post dates, the poster's behaviour doesn't seem automated. He never posts more than 10 or so messages in a single day. The number of posts per day varies and he sometimes takes long breaks from posting.

And interestingly enough this comment was posted 4 years after the Jimmy buffett one which is more representative of Captain Kutchies Key Lime Pie posts. More than 700 Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie posts have been catalogued so far, and the real number of KLP posts is undoubtedly higher as many posts have been deleted or are not accessible to search engines.

For example, the poster apparently had a Disqus account with over 1400 messages, but all of those posts have been deleted. The sheer volume of Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie posts leads many people to believe they were posted by a bot. But even if we assume that the real number of Kutchie Key Lime Pie posts is 5x higher than the numbers catalogued so far, it's feasible for an obsessive person to post that much: from 2009 to 2016, that's just over one post a day.

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One comment I want to point out is from VinnieGambini, an omash to the movie My cousin Vinnie. Left a pretty detailed review of what we can infer on this person or group. He mentions that the restaurant is run by Oswald and Anita Pelaez and that it's located in Asheville, North Carolina. and Oswald has three sons, Carlo, Santino, and Joseph. This gives an indication that the restaurant actually exist!

The posts are quite humorous - they're full of puns and wordplay and sometimes contain wacky sexual references, like testimonials that Kutchie's key lime pies cause instant *rg*sms and increase p*n*s size. The poster writes in the style of an old-timey radio announcer and makes lots of references to Baby Boomer pop culture. Often the posts are several hundred words long.

Google "Kutchie's key lime pie" and you'll find hundreds more of these posts. The astounding number of bizarre posts has led people to speculate about the identity of the poster and the purpose of the comments, wondering if it's a crazy person, a troll, a bot, or a conspiracy.



FNzFBtu.pngHere is a graph of Captain Kutchie's posting frequency by month from 2009 to 2016. The increased posting frequency in 2013 marks the introduction of copy-pasted messages, which I'll talk more about later.

It's notable that Jake Carson, Willie Jordan and Roger Ramjet seem to have different posting habits. Jake Carson's posts are almost entirely copy-pasted, while Willie's are often unique and respond to the content of the articles they're posted on. Willie's posts also contain a LOT of s*xu*l content. Sometimes, like in this post, they're almost p*rn*graphic. Roger Ramjet tends to comment on articles that seem unrelated to Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's usual interests.

The Key Lime Pie poster almost never uses avatars. However, I've found 2 accounts that do use them. One uses a picture of a woman that can be traced back to a Twitter account with a similar name to one of Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's pseudonyms. I won't link that one for privacy reasons. The other one uses an avatar of "PowerMatt", an obscure mascot for an electronics company – I have no idea what the connection is.

Some Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie accounts list their location as "Spanish Fork, Utah". I've looked into this and I couldn't find any connection between Spanish Fork and Kutchie's/Asheville/etc.


Posting Changes

The earliest Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie posts, from 2009 to 2010, are quite unlike later ones. They're relevant to the articles they're posted on, they're short, and they essentially sound like normal restaurant reviews. Here are some links to representative posts: Cristie Brinkley, Jonny Carson, Jenna S. The posts get longer and weirder as time goes on, taking a definite sexual turn in 2013 (Willie Jordan – NSFW) but each post remains unique. The poster only starts copypasting his messages in June 2013.

From then on, most Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie posts are the same few messages copypasted over and over, with occasional additions to the original text. The copypasted posts are, in order of introduction: "Hello Ladies" (introduced 07/13), "It just doesn't get better than this" (10/13), "Don's Scenes" (04/14), "Don Rickles and Jonny Carson" (04/14), "Captain Kutchie Never Makes Up Stories" (07/14), "One Wild And Crazy Guy" (09/15), "PieGasms Healed All My Symptoms" (12/15) and "Hey Bob" (11/16). I've compiled examples of the copypasted posts on Pastebin: View: https://pastebin.com/0k7irFFB


In 2017, only 3 Kutchie keylime pie messages were posted. They were all copypastes, and since Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's had been discussed on >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk previously it's possible that these messages were not posted by KLP himself. Finally, a new message, "oh no he's back", was posted 3 times in January 2018. The Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's poster has not been active since that time.

There are a few Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie posts that merit further attention. In 2012, Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie made a handful of posts about ozsgold.com, a gold broker site supposedly owned by Oswald Pelaez. Here is a pastebin of these posts.

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The Internet Archive shows that in 2011, this domain hosted an MLM scam site run by the company Numis Networks. I cannot verify whether or not Oswald Pelaez (Jr or Sr) was involved with this site, although Oswald Pelaez Sr did make a scammy sounding post on his Facebook account in 2012. What was the motive behind these posts? Was KLP advertising Oswald's site? Was Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie poster advertising his own site? Did he just see the word "oz" and connect it to Oswald? Very strange.

The "Hey Bob" message is particularly interesting. "Hey Bob" was first posted in November 2016 – shortly after the first >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk post about Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie. Some of the Hey Bob messages acknowledge the readers, implying that the poster discovered the >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk threads about him. One message contains the line "Caution, I think we're being watched", another "Do you ever feel like we're being watched... "The Lord Loves A Working Man". And to make this one easy for you, it's from "The Jerk"!....1979 with Steve Martin....

Impersonators

A few months after the KLP mystery was first mentioned on >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk, /u/carinhabsburg found a "Kutchie Pelaez" account on Facebook. They friended this account and soon afterwards, "Kutchie" began sending her creepy messages in foreign languages. In my opinion, the Facebook account is an obvious fake. It was created in October 2016, a month after the first >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk post about Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's. The stuff "Kutchie Pelaez" posts is completely different from the KLP poster's writing style. And no one would spend 8 years writing key lime pie posts for the payoff of sending someone a lame creepypasta message. There are Kutchie Pelaez accounts on Youtube and Deviantart that use the same avatar as the Facebook account, probably made by the same person.

Clues On >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk

Some >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk users have shared information that might help identify the KLP poster:

-A user claiming to be Oswald's granddaughter said that "Kuchie and Oswald are older now and not in great health, so I highly doubt they have the capacity or interest of starting this internet mystery".

-A user contacted one of Kutchie's sons on Facebook. The son was "just as confused by it as we are".

-A Redditor talked to a guy who used to date a waitress at Kutchie's. He said that "Kutchie was crazy, even back then, and it was probably him making the posts."

-A user's friend recalled that "there was an autistic or mentally challenged guy that either worked there or lived close by and hung out there that always tried to get us to get the key lime pie"

-A therapist who works with autistic people said that the posts were typical for someone on the spectrum.

-A psychiatry resident doubted that the posts were made by an autistic person because the level of clarity in the posts fluctuates a lot.

-A user contacted someone who knew Oswald Pelaez Sr. This person explained that Oswald Sr. is suffering from dementia and sometimes forgets that his restaurant is no longer open. They believed it's very likely that Oswald Sr. was the one making the posts. I will discuss this post in more detail later.

What we know about the Key Lime Pie poster

From the evidence gathered so far, we can make some educated guesses about the poster. The Key Lime Pie poster frequented Kutchie's, especially during the late 90s to 2000s when the restaurant was known for its burgers. His writing style and the pop culture references he makes suggest that he is older, probably in the 60-80 age range. His early posts sounded mostly normal and responded to the articles they were posted on, but they got progressively longer and weirder over time. The poster is aware that his posts are being discussed online and this seems to put him off from posting

1. Captain Kutchie Pelaez we found in this book on google. Apparently, according to my tin foil cap, Marc Y. Pelaez, is a retired Chief Of Naval Research for the U.S. He's only referred to as Captain Kutchie once or twice with what we read.

2. Anita Jones is the name of a woman who worked with Pelaez as Director of Defense Research and Engineering from 1993 to 1997. She is also mentioned in the book.

3. They were not involved romantically, and don't seem to have any ridiculous interest in pie shops.

4. Also, the mysterious commenter posted yet ANOTHER pie comment as a review for this book.

Theories

In this section I'll attempt to address the most popular theories about the Key Lime Pie poster.

1. The poster is a rogue spambot
open knowledge meat GIF by Okkult Motion Pictures
The high volume of posting and the repetitive nature of the posts leads many people to believe that the KLP poster is a spambot. What if the Pelaezes paid for a bot subscription years ago and forgot to turn it off? Or what if the bot is used to test websites' anti-spam measures by seeing if its comments get removed?

I think the bot explanation is unlikely for the following reasons:

1) the first KLP posts appeared at least a year after the restaurant had closed;

2) the posting style changes over time and doesn't become particularly spammy until 2013;

3) a spambot could not write thematically consistent posts like KLP does;

4) the poster often incorporates references to current events and even acknowledges Redditors reading the posts;

5) many of the comments are posted on the same websites (e.g. Facebook and Google Books) or websites with the same framework (Wordpress blogs) so it's unlikely that it's testing website security.
2. The posts were made to cover up bad publicity about the restaurant or the Pelaez family

If unflattering results came up when people googled terms related to Kutchie's or the Pelaezes, the family might have tried burying them under thousands of posts of nonsense. This is a known technique called Reverse SEO. Aside from a brief mention of Kutchie being "crazy" on >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk and a minor land dispute from the 70s, I can't find any evidence of bad publicity... but maybe that means the Reverse SEO worked? 9 years of posting seems like massive overkill, though, and the eccentric nature of the posts only makes people want to investigate Kutchie's further.

I also unearthed a further mystery: the family owns a mysterious run down mansion in Asheville

http://www.citizen-times.com/story/...house-legal-gaming-machines-running/78763768/

3. The posts were made to test SEO techniques

Hacking Work From Home GIF
The KLP posts contain lots of googleable keywords – "Key Lime Pie", "Kutchie", "Kutcharitaville", "Anita/Oswald Pelaez" and so on. Perhaps the KLP poster was trying to see which types of posts, on which site at which time, would get the highest page rank for these keywords on search engines.

These findings could theoretically be generalized for use in SEO and advertising. But if this is the case, why reference a real restaurant and real people?










4. The posts are coded communication

pizza hut GIF
What if the key lime pie isn't actually key lime pie? What if the posts are code for something sinister? Many people feel that the odd language used in the posts looks like coded communication. The key lime pie and Kutchie's references could act as signals, so that people in the know could google those terms to find coded information in other parts of the message.

There are some interesting findings that relate to this theory...The pseudonym "Roger Ramjet" references a cartoon about secrets being hidden inside pies. "Kutchie" is Jamaican slang for a weed pipe – perhaps KLP is engaged in drug trafficking? As the poster points out repeatedly, Kutchie's is located near the Biltmore Estate in NC, which has been the subject of various conspiracies.

There are some odd links between a "Captain Pelaez" (unrelated to Kutchie), Anita Jones, and the Navy. This theory is far-fetched IMO, but it's fun to think about.

5. The posts are part of an ARG

This theory makes a lot of sense at first. But ARGs should have leads that allow users to dig deeper into mystery, and people have been looking into KLP for years with no progress. Maybe it's just a really hard ARG? Plus the timeframe is extremely long for an ARG. Apparently there are ARG's that have gone on for more than 5 years, but they sound much more interactive than the Kutchie's stuff.. Interestingly, Kutchie's was mentioned by Stephanie Lawson, a character in a known ARG – see this >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk thread. The Stephanie Lawson ARG has something to do with a church in North Carolina. I don't think this means that the KLP poster is involved though.

6. The poster is a troll

troll deal with it GIF
KLP's behaviour certainly seems trollish. Posting ridiculous stuff about a restaurant that's been closed for years and talking about penis size in a key lime pie review seems like the kind of thing a troll would do. But would a troll really stick to his bit for 8 years – especially when his trolling didn't attract any attention until 2016? Trolls like attention, so it makes no sense that he mostly stopped posting when >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk took notice of him. And if he's just having fun writing silly posts, why involve real people in it?








7. The poster is mentally ill

lisa frank 90s GIF by Sarah Zucker
I think this is the most convincing theory. At the very least, it's obvious that anyone who would spend 8 years making these posts isn't quite right in the head. The poster's intense obsession with key lime pie could point to autism. His crazy stories about Kutchie's and his odd writing style could point to schizophrenia. The KLP posts do display some hallmarks of formal thought disorder, a language disturbance associated with psychosis and schizophrenia, and sometimes with autism:
Circumstantiality – An inability to answer a question without giving excessive, unnecessary detail
Derailment - Thought and/or speech move from the topic's track onto another which is obliquely related or unrelated
"Flight of ideas" – abrupt leaps from one topic to another, albeit with discernable links between successive ideas, perhaps governed by similarities between subjects or, in somewhat higher grades, by rhyming, puns, and word plays
Perseveration – Persistent repetition of words or ideas even when another person attempts to change the topic
Stilted speech – Speech characterized by the use of words or phrases that are flowery, excessive, and pompous
Despite all this, the posts seem strangely lucid. As a >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk poster noted earlier, the level of lucidity in Captain Kutchie's Key lime pie's posts seems to fluctuate, so a developmental disorder like autism might be less likely. As strange of the posts are, they exhibit a striking sense of humour and a sort of self-awareness. They don't have the delusions of persecution that are common in psychosis. Compare KLP's posts to Karin Waldegrave's or Francis E. Dec's, for example.

Aside from the length and the fact that they're posted all over the internet, the posts seem almost normal to me. The sense of humour and The Capitalization Of Every Word strikes me as very "dad-like". Think r/oldpeoplefacebook - I can imagine someone's out of touch dad embarrassing them by making similar posts on their Facebook wall. On the other hand, would a mentally healthy person spend 8 years basically harassing a random restaurant owner? Would a mentally healthy person post Key Lime Pie comments on people's obituary pages? I don't think so.

Another possibility is dementia. The fact that the posts get less coherent over time could suggest a degenerative disorder. Oswald Pelaez Sr. is currently in his 90s, and this post by stitches_lk states that he has dementia and is the likely culprit behind the KLP posts. However, I have trouble believing this theory as Oswald Sr. has a Facebook account and his posts there don't resemble the KLP posts at all. They are short with very poor grammar and spelling - here are some examples. He doesn't seem to understand how to use Facebook, much less post thousands of messages on different websites. Based on this I ruled out Oswald Sr. as the KLP poster.

The post about an "autistic or mentally challenged guy" at Kutchie's makes a lot of sense, but I'm skeptical of it. If the guy was a regular, Kutchie's family members would most likely know about him and know where the posts were coming from. It could be a false memory or just someone having a laugh. But it's still possible.

Summary: Who is the KLP poster?

My top suspect is Oswald Pelaez Jr., a.k.a. Captain Kutchie himself. He is in his 60s, which fits with the pop culture references the KLP poster makes. He would of course know a lot about Kutchie's Key West Café. He is not mentally ill, as far as I know, but he seems to be an eccentric guy. Maybe he had too much time on his hands after his restaurant closed, and the KLP posting started out as a dad joke that got out of control. Perhaps he stopped posting because he was creeped out by all the attention he got on >redditcostanzayeahrightsmirk. I am not very confident about this, though. I believe the poster could easily be someone else who's yet to be identified.

I hope you found this post informative, and I hope it inspires Redditors to dig deeper into this mystery. I'd like to thank everyone who helped investigate the mystery, particularly /u/LabondGozey for his excellent posts. I'll leave you with this...
Are you still finding it hard to believe that "Kutcharitaville" really exists and that it's not just a figment of your imagination? Or that Donald Trump just became the President Elect. Or does Captain Kutchie Pelaez and his Beautiful Wife Anita really bake World Famous Key Lime Pies and that Carrier Air Conditioners are staying right here in America. Well Bob, all I can tell you, in the words of the Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez (Keep The Faith Baby!) And Really, Really Believe It And Close You're Eyes And Someday It Will Really, Really Come True!!!!...
 

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