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/fit/'s Legendary Ghost Puncher Story

bchmmmmm This post was not written by me but an anonymous user from /fit/ bchmmmmm
Old School Dancing GIF by John Artur

Whevs here's the story. It's fucking long but bear with me.
>friend not in the story tells us about place to get palm readings
>lifting buddy and I go to get palms read
>show up to this shady ass place at 10 in the morning wearing our workout gear
>ghost bitches already mirin
>stereotypical scraggly gypsy woman shakes our hands and seats us at the table with a crystal ball
>asks who wants to go first
>hispanic heritage kicks in and I nope at the last minute
>friend chads up to the plate
>woman grabs his hand
>he flexes slightly
>woman goes from smiling to horrified
>starts grabbing and studying his hand like a last will
>feelin weird man
>tells my friend he's got something following him
>ask him if he did any ouija voodoo bullshit
>says he smashed a hole in the wall when he was drunk lifting at home
>says their was a some type of decorative skull behind it that he now uses as decoration in his bedroom
>gypsy lets us leave without paying
>at the gym thirty minutes later
>spotting friend while he benches
>some newbie dumbass is curling next to us
>like no joke 6 inches away from us
>dude slips up and swings a twenty he's holding at friend's head
>throws the bar up and ducks just in time
>almost impale myself trying to catch the bar
>newbie apologizing while friend gets back up and I'm shitting myself still
>tell friend he should go home
>friend looks unfazed and wants to continue
>leave to abuela's sister's house to get some sage and silver
>go back to gym and give it to friend
>next day
>friend looks happier than normal
>tells me some shit went down at his house
>says the power was dead even though his bills were payed and rest of neighborhood had power
>heard rattling of silverware
>uses flashlight app to see
>saw a silhouette of someone crawl under the kitchen counter
>nothing under the counter not even shelves
>friend doesn't believe in ouija shit and believes its an intruder or animal
80S Vhs GIF

>friend grabs his pull-up bar and gets ready for sweet /fit/ justice
>yells obscenities while patrolling his house
>says he sees what looks like a small humanoid crouched in his weight room
>gives zero fucks and tosses the pull-up bar at the window
>shatters like lanklet kneecaps squatting
>thing nowhere in sight
>friend then starts to consider ouija shit
>calls other friend for advice
>our lifting group has some odd characters
>johnny answers and tells him to burn the sage and carry the silver
>says he'll be by with some holy water
>drops it off
>"I'll call my grandmother tomorrow to help, she's one of the medium people"
>friend sits down on his couch while the house smells like old
>watches american dad
>looks at the sage
>dried up and out
>goes to his pocket for the silver
>fucking
>melted
>instead of warm it was cold
>starts to see something dart back and forth across the room
>tv goes off and static comes on
>says high pitched screaming fills the house
>friend gets mildly annoyed
>walks over to the weight room and smashes the skull against the wall in a fluid motion
>like imagine walking into a room, tipping over a vase, then going back to doing what you were doing
>he did that except threw a skull against the wall
>says house shook, screaming got higher then stopped
>lights go off again
>hears numerous footsteps getting closer to him
>tells me he's mildly freaked out at this point
>I'm very concerned that he said "mildly"
>says he doused himself in holy water and started swinging as hard as he could into the darkness
>only hears the wind breaking on his fists
>says he heard the footsteps getting further away from him
>screams "NUH UH"
>starts running around his house and swinging in the darkness
>fucks up his living room in the process
>tells me he swears he made contact with something fleshy a few times
>doesn't remember falling asleep
>wakes up and goes to the gym to tell me this the next day
Vhs Computer GIF by Royal Smith

>friend goes outside to make frequent calls throughout his routines
>ask him if he's trying to get in touch with a priest
>tells me's been calling his home phone and leaving angry voice messages for the "ghosts"
>sais he would buy a snake just to flatten it out with a rolling pin until it dies
>friend goes home again
>fast forward a few days
>looks completely normal
>ask johnny if lifting buddy was alright
>tells me it's disturbing how well he is handling the situation
>says he went to lifting buddy's house to check up on the sitch
>feels a presence but it feels scared
>lifting buddy walks out of his bathroom naked
>wiping his ass with a ouija board towel
>throws in on the floor and kicks it into the living room
>pours more holy water on it then takes it outside to burn it
>asks friend is he is hungry
>"Uh...sure..."
>says he pulls out an opened ouija board he bought at spencers and uses it as a fucking cutting board
>says he repeatedly stabbed the cutting knife into the board when he was not using it
>breaks the board in half after he's done chopping up tomatoes and throws it in the trash
>washes his hands then pisses in the trash can
>even I think this is disrespecting the spirits too much
>they both eat grilled chicken salad then johnny leaves
>says on the way out lifting buddy goes into the lifting room and puts another crucifix on the wall
>"I'M PUTTING JESUS ON THIS WALL AND I'LL BE BACK TO FUCKING MASTURBATE ON MY BENCH PRESS WHILE THINKING ABOUT LUCIFER'S WHORE DAUGHTER"
>punches a hole in the wall before leaving
>johnny calls his abuela that night
>abuela goes to lifting buddy's house with a priest the next day
>says her abuela and priest were also amazed/disturbed with how lifting buddy is fighting the situation
>priest actually cowered and mired lifting buddy pissing naked on the satanic bible he bought at some shady bookstore
>tells priest he walks around naked a lot lately and talks shit about satan
>priest leaves before cleansing
Glitch Beach GIF by CAPITALWASTE

>abuela stays to do her medium thang
>tries to contact the spirits
>says it was a group of entities that were very pissed that their shrine was disturbed
>tells her that they have no power since lifting buddy isn't remotely scared of anything they've done
>lifting buddy walks back into weight room with a dead snake
>abuela says the entities scatter like roaches
>"Check out what I found on the street this morning *takes a bit out apple* a fucking dead snake"
>throws the snake on the floor
>puts holy water and salt on it
>kicks it into the carpet a few times before peeling it off and throwing it into the trash can in the kitchen
>abuela is wtfing at this man's mental strength or ignorance
>tries to contact the spirits again
>they keep running from her
>finally talks to one
>says they are scared of lifting buddy
>ghosts
>are scared
>of my bulky friend
>abuela asks what could make them pass on
>says they did black magic to get revenge on some asshole landlord from way back when
>says they had incriminating shit to shame his family within the wall with the skull
>abuela tells lifting buddy what he needs to do
>lifting buddy goes into the weight room
>makes the hole in the wall bigger by throwing a 15 through the wall
>finds a folder with records of some sort
>im not lying about any of this I swear and especially this next part
>lifting buddy flips through the papers then wipes his balls with it
>abuela horrified
>crumples them up and throws them into the corner of the room
>tells the spirits to piss off then punches another hole in the wall
>total of 13 holes at this point
>abuela says "may go have mercy" in spanish then leaves
>goes back to lifting buddy's house a month later
>immediately goes to the weight room
>more holes than wall, destroyed af, but like halo descending from the heavens, the bench press and squatting rack are still there
>tries to contact spirits
>nothing
>smiles and asks my friend if he did what needed to be done
Vintage 80S GIF

>again, not lying about any of this
>tells abuela he uncrumpled the papers and got the address of this bastard
>papers were only from 60 years ago so the guy was still alive just old as dust
>finds the address of this guy in some sorta mansion
>knocks on the door wearing a get swole you must star wars yoda tank top, board shorts, pink sunglasses, and a backwards chicago bulls snapback (johnny said lifting buddy went into a lot of detail about his wardrobe for this)
>some scrawny white guy in his mid thirties opens to door
>lifting buddy holds out the papers and asks for the person in the paper's name
>"Hey, dad! Someone's here to see you. He has documents"
>lifting buddy lets himself in and finds the old man in his studies
>"Who are you? *notices the papers* W...where did you get that!?"
>old man tries to grab at the papers
>lifting buddy punches the old man in the face
>dentures fly out
>says it was like some shit out a movie
>crouches in his face and sets the old man straight sherlock homes style
>guy's son runs in and jumps on lifting buddy's back
>lifting buddy stops mid sentence, lets the guy down, then gut punches him until he hobbles out of the from and pukes in the hallway
>tells the old man to set shit right or he will be back for blood
>leaves
>fast forward a couple days
>various cars outside of lifting buddy's house
>thinks the old man brought some friends and grabs his pull-up bar
>walks out side in his tank top and house shorts
>various families are thanking him and giving him home cooked foods
>thank him for getting their grandparents's properties back
>the documents were apparently deeds swindled out by the old man
>families say the whole "we'll never forget you!" spiel and leave
>friend looks into the tupperware
>nothing but calories and carbs (cookies, briskets, gumbo)
>throws it all away and goes back to lifting in his weight room
Pic for shirt
>see old man's name in the news a few days later
>apparently he was hated by the community for being a dick
>somehow only heard about him now
>new doesn't disclose how he died
>don't know if it was from lifting buddy doing more damage than he thought, the ghosts getting their revenge, or natural causes
>hasn't had any paranormal problems since then except for one
>says he went to the kitchen for a late night non-cheating snack and saw full body apparitions
>they smiled at him
>says he grabbed an apple, head nodded while taking a bite, and walked away back to his bedroom
>he stops halfway and turns around
>"Holy fuck, you guys were real?"
>spirits fade while smiling
>lifting buddy goes to sleep
Lifting buddy still lifts and does inane shit like he always does. No one fucks with him since the ghost puncher incident. Abuela mires every time she's around him. And I think the priest told his priest buddies/church because everyone mires and cowers in grace twice as hard when they are around him. Again, non of this was made up. No walk the dinosaur tend shit. My friend legitimately beat up a bunch of ghosts.
 
Last edited:

naa

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Every time I see the Ghost Puncher story it's a blessing and an inspiration. Thanks for putting it here.
 
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