What's new
  • Donate and support Agora Road's Macintosh Cafe to keep the forum alive and make any necessary upgrades to have a more pleasant experience! In addition, you will be able to have "moods" enabled on your profile and have donation only awards! Update: I configured the site with Brave Browser, so you can send tips to the site with BAT.

    You can now donate directly to the forum without signing up for patreon. You will still have all of the same perks in patreon but its now one less sign up method. It will be under Account Upgrades

Game Reviewing Thread

Pink Fluffy Cat

Traveler
Joined
Nov 8, 2022
Messages
121
Reaction score
278
Awards
32
ITT we review games we played. Because as big brained agora users :gigachad:, you are supposed to write down your own experiences so you can convince yourself that the hours you spent into children entertainment aren't wasted. It doesn't have to be detailed reviews, just write down your thoughts and opinions, I will start it myself first:

- Metro franchise (all three games) : Not stalker and pretty linear but the games also offer you some interesting levels when it don't hold your hands. The first game (2033) has several semi-open levels that offers great atmospheric vibes of the post apocalyptic metro, while the second game (last light) feel like a downgrade (just compare the Frontline / Black Station level in 2033 vs Contagion / Revolution in Last Light), and it also added boss fights that no one asked. The third game (Exodus) improved the franchise from both level design (Taiga and Volga are pretty nice while the Caspian not so much IMO) and the mechanics (no more stupid currency and shop system where you can't even manually manage weapon attachments outside specific locations) and basically the best game in the whole metro series.

- Styx (both releases) : One of the best post 2010 (aka modern) games I've played. They are obviously console port, and the AI is rather basic, but the level design and the freedom of how you can tackle objectives is on par with dishonored and classic thief games. An underrated gem.

- Thief franchise (1, 2, 3 and plus thief 2x, don't really care about the "reboot") : There are tons of essays and videos about how good the classic are (1 and 2 because the third one just isn't good when compared to previous games) and I'm not reinventing the wheel myself but I'm still surprised that how well they still hold on even by today's standard. They don't have the "old game oddness" that a lots of retro games usually feel when I play them for the first time - like the classic doom games which IMO just don't aged well (navigating labyrinth after labyrinth just to find the specific switch for the specific key just isn't fun honestly). I never felt confused outside a few supernatural levels during my gameplay of thief. Thief 3 does feel like a downgrade for pretty much every ways and the city sections are just plain chaotic especially after mid game where you would have several opposing faction fighting in the corridors that you have to past in a stealth game, also the camera bobbing sucks.

- Alien Isolation : A great innovation of the stealth / horror genre, for the alien sections only sadly, the parts with humans / androids are rather mediocre and it also filled with justified cutscene. Still the alien itself is enough to make the game stand out, especially among the sea of "horror games", which are nothing more than boring hard scripted scene and tedious puzzle with more boring script scene of wowsoscaryhuhuhuwhatsoever
Personally I love this game myself, but I can see how there are people dislike this one, when they are expecting a standard "horror game" and end up getting a hardcore stealth game.

- The Chronicles Of Myrtana: Archolos : A free "full game size mod" of Gothic 2, it improve many chunky-ness of the original game, but also has many questionable designs, my biggest issue is how the quests are fill with tedious fetch / scripted parts that doesn't really add anything other than make the game longer - In one of the quest where I supposed to fight renegades the quest has told me to pick up things, cut through vegetation, place the vegetation, then put explosives in the specific boulder all in a row, and the game has no objective marker neither you can ask the NPC for detail so good luck on figuring them out. I did still enjoy it though and I didn't regret the 40+ hours I've spent on it, but I still prefer the originals.

- Shadow Warrior 2013 reboot : The 1st most tedious game I've played, all you do is spamming charge sword attack one the same sets of bullet -or should I say sword sponge over and over again for frigging 10 hours. Working on a job IRL is legitimate more fun than this, how can this game even have generally positive rating seriously?

- Aragami : I probably just set my expection too high but it just isn't a well made game, not outright bad but definitely not a good game. The AI and level design are bare bone, the mechanic is inconsistent, sometimes I can kill enemies in front while the other times I would get knocked down and killed, and the graphics make the game confusing, sometimes you can't tell if a place is safe to stay unless you step on it. Only play this if you have nothing else to play and have tried all prominent stealth titles.

- This War of Mine : Gimmick : The game. It only "work" because the game gives you absolutely no tutorial which create the illusion of helplessness. The game becomes bland and stupid after you figure out how everything works, I can kill several soldiers with a musician girl and there would be no consequences just because. The DLCs are plain soylent materials that I don't even want to think about them anymore.

- Spyro games (only the first two, I have never played the rest and likely will never) : Aged like milk and that's come from someone who liked it as a child. Running around, collecting gemstones and fighting braindead enemies that don't pose any threat at all just isn't fun, neither do those mini games.
 

grimewave

3 working brain cells
Joined
Jan 16, 2023
Messages
9
Reaction score
22
Awards
3
I'm playing Counter Strike GO: fuck this game why have I put hundreds of hours into it? Everything is my teammates fault. Thank you for reading my review.

I'm also playing Rogue Legacy 2: this game improved on the original in pretty much every conceivable way. I might even go as far as to say this is a perfect platformer as well.

I'm not one for lengthy descriptions but I have lots of opinions, and most of them dumb.
 
Joined
Feb 15, 2022
Messages
600
Reaction score
2,211
Awards
160
Website
youtuube.neocities.org
Virtual Cafe Awards

PizzaW0lf

In search of something greater.
Joined
Jul 16, 2022
Messages
327
Reaction score
756
Awards
77
GTA 4 Review: This game really feels like it's made from the heart. With realistic characters, realistic gameplay, a realistic setting, a realistic story, and realistic graphics (yes even still) this game is the pinnacle of realism in games in more ways than one. And I love the relationship mechanic.

I only really have a few gripes with this game. The gunplay aged somewhat badly, I wish some of the activities like bike riding made a return from san Andreas, the mission structure kind of sucks, and driving can be INCREDIBLY frustrating in high-stakes police chases. Oh, and the ending is a nightmare to play on PC. :REEEEE:

Overall though, this is the greatest work of art that Rockstar ever made.
1674150686599.png
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

Dream Thief

Manifested Desire
Joined
Mar 13, 2022
Messages
15
Reaction score
25
Awards
10
Just finished FromSoft's Shadow Tower: Abyss.

The control scheme threw me off at first. In leu of using the right thumbstick to rotate the player camera, you use the triggers instead*. It's clunky and unintuitive, but I got used to it after an hour or two of play. It's a FromSoft game through and through mysterious, challenging, and sometimes bullshit. There's a lot I could talk about - its beautiful art direction, its incredible environmental ambiance... however, I implore you to play it for yourself. It's a real treat.

Shadow Tower Abyss_SLPS-25217_20230120021647.png

Shadow Tower Abyss_SLPS-25217_20230120021410.png
 
Last edited:

llillilll

Active Traveler
Joined
May 26, 2021
Messages
249
Reaction score
711
Awards
85
Hollow knight
The mc literally doesn't talk but the story is genuinely amazing, it follows the dark souls storytelling methods but does it infinity times better. The gameplay doesn't need any explanation as it is the best combat ever made and if you ever die, it is your fault for not being good enough. You can dodge and bounce off of everything. It has the most bestest tutorial ever made because the game starts simple but as the story goes he becomes quite complex soo you never waste time learning the game before even deciding to continue. The tutorial takes like 10 seconds off of gameplay, which rarely happens lately. Cutscenes are just eyecandy and the story is hidden behind 10 different videos made by youtubers and i like that more than cutscene based storytelling.

League of Legends
One time i (a gold 2 player mid/support player with 53%wr with 150 games) had to hardcarry a malz midlane (plat 3 malz otp with 56% wr with 100 games) as renata. The malz matched with a fizz that roamed like 20 times, and he still farmed as much as the malz that never left the lane. When we take the first tower at around 13 we rotate to mid and i realise malz took one plate against a essentially empty lane. He literally never played correct as he exclusively used ult when someone specially attacked him, never pushed the lane even when noone could be near him and at some point the enemies catched up to how horrible the malz was and never focused him in a fight as they knew he won't use his ult. Anyways we won the match with malz highest farm( slightly higher than the adc with 60%kill participation) with about 20% kill participation and 9 vision score while i had about 70%kp and 60 vision score. Remember this malz is plat and i am gold soo i am matched vs better opponents or he is matched with bad opponents soo i should definitely raise more in the ladder than he did, right? no. I get 15 lp while malz gets 20. The hidden MMR and ranked system is this fucked and a dia player could easily be a lucky player that plays like a gold and vice versa. When you take out the predatory matchmaking and the horrible ranking system the game it pretty fun thought. Just have to make sure you never go ranked.
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

Sketch Relics

Quiet Traveller
Joined
Sep 28, 2022
Messages
85
Reaction score
186
Awards
26
Just finished FromSoft's Shadow Tower: Abyss.

The control scheme threw me off at first. In leu of using the right thumbstick to rotate the player camera, you use the triggers instead. It's clunky and unintuitive, but I got used to it after an hour or two of play. It's a FromSoft game through and through mysterious, challenging, and sometimes bullshit. There's a lot I could talk about - its beautiful art direction, its incredible environmental ambiance... however, I implore you to play it for yourself. It's a real treat.
You can actually change the controls in the options menu to something much more modern, same with all early Fromsoft games, even the first Armored core and King's field(I think, that may only be the second one (or first english title, darn Final Fantasy numbering) and up with full remap)

Been going through the Capcom arcade collections and found this gem
Battle%20Circuit%20(Arcade).jpg

A 1997 arcade beat-em up that was never released in America before Capcom Arcade Stadium called Battle Circuit.

This feels more like a modern console release than a late 90's arcade game, you can dash and dash attack in all directions rather than in just a strait line. You have 5 playable characters that all have unique playstyles. In addition to your basic button mashing, you also have fighting game-like input moves that are universal among the cast, but these are well differentiated across the cast by having both unique properties and by playing into the games skill upgrade system. At the end of each level you can spend money picked up in the stage to buy move upgrades that are different for each character. On top of all this the difficulty and combat are fully skill based rather than cheap quarter-eating arcade jank. Bosses have tells and weak points when they are open to attack and can be juggled to maximise damage while keeping you safe. The game is also generous with HP pickups though you still die in like 2 hits if you're playing one of the low HP characters like Yellow or Pink. I think it's strait up the best arcade beat-em up that I have ever played, would recommend.
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

eve

Professional Loser
Bronze
Joined
Feb 16, 2022
Messages
118
Reaction score
321
Awards
46
Website
y22a.ev22.plus
vrchat: discord but in vr :SataniaThumbsUp:
sea of thieves: microtransaction grinding simulator but with pirates (very fun with friends) :monkaHmm:
kerbal space program: very punishing for newer players, but still fun :monkaHmm:
half life and half life two: still like, the best story driven games i have ever played :SataniaThumbsUp:
peggle deluxe: was robbed of GOTY, a real shame :/ :SataniaThumbsUp:
fallout nv: get ready to install stability mods :monkaHmm:
firewatch: made me cry :AquaCry:
disney dreamlight valley: do NOT buy this game if you value ur free time :SataniaThumbsUp:
rain world: infuriating, 10/10 :SataniaThumbsUp:
orqa fpv.skydive: was a fun game, devs ruined it by complicating the controls :AYAYAAngry:
csgo: im bad at it so i dont like it :AYAYAAngry:
planet coaster + planet zoo: fun fun FUN i luv building consumerist hellscapes :SataniaThumbsUp:
r6 siege: literal worst multiplayer game in the last 20 years, probz :AYAYAAngry:
geometry dash: this game also made me cry, but for completely different reasons :monkaHmm:
holdfast: very very fun community, but can get boring if u dont like using public voice chat in gamez :monkaHmm:
ravenfield: a ton of potential, but still boring after a couple hours :AYAYAAngry:
dead by daylight: fun at first, but gets boring quickly unless u hav a friend group 2 play with :AYAYAAngry:
rec room: vrchat but with more kids and less interesting conversation
:AYAYAAngry:
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

llillilll

Active Traveler
Joined
May 26, 2021
Messages
249
Reaction score
711
Awards
85
League of Legends
One time i (a gold 2 player mid/support player with 53%wr with 150 games) had to hardcarry a malz midlane (plat 3 malz otp with 56% wr with 100 games) as renata. The malz matched with a fizz that roamed like 20 times, and he still farmed as much as the malz that never left the lane. When we take the first tower at around 13 we rotate to mid and i realise malz took one plate against a essentially empty lane. He literally never played correct as he exclusively used ult when someone specially attacked him, never pushed the lane even when noone could be near him and at some point the enemies catched up to how horrible the malz was and never focused him in a fight as they knew he won't use his ult. Anyways we won the match with malz highest farm( slightly higher than the adc with 60%kill participation) with about 20% kill participation and 9 vision score while i had about 70%kp and 60 vision score. Remember this malz is plat and i am gold soo i am matched vs better opponents or he is matched with bad opponents soo i should definitely raise more in the ladder than he did, right? no. I get 15 lp while malz gets 20. The hidden MMR and ranked system is this fucked and a dia player could easily be a lucky player that plays like a gold and vice versa. When you take out the predatory matchmaking and the horrible ranking system the game it pretty fun thought. Just have to make sure you never go ranked.
I take everything i said about league, i said "don't worry, you are doing pretty well but you aren't lucky" to a enemy jungler everyone was flaming and he said "thanks, i feel soo much better thanks to you" after the game ended. Best game ever 10/10
 

Attachments

  • orianna.jpg
    orianna.jpg
    114.3 KB · Views: 9
Virtual Cafe Awards

Boxerdog

Internet Refugee
Joined
Jan 22, 2023
Messages
16
Reaction score
22
Awards
4
I've been playing A Legionary's Life last couple of weeks.

Its a pretty cool second punic war roman simulator, although permadeath might not be for everybody(and its pretty easy to die).
The game tells you that if you break rank or try to do something heroic you will most likely die and reset your progress, a coward character has more chances of survival than somebody that goes face to face with the enemy but a coward will never have the glory that a daring adventurer .
From playing dice and boardgames to extra guardshifts to wrestling with your comrades the game has many diverse activities even though its mostly a text based game.
The combat its... okay, The idea its good, but it relies a lot on rng, making really easy to die if you are not playing carefully but if you want to take the more stronger challenges (like dueling hannibal's last standing veterans or trying to break through a greek phalanx) it still feels like you can reset your progress on a bad roll, even if you spec your character as a Sword and Scutum god.

I definitely recommend if you're into roman history, text based rpgs or are some flavor of autistic(same thing).

a-legionarys-life-screenshot-2.jpg
 

L. Rhodes

Absolutely Wizard
Joined
Jun 5, 2022
Messages
202
Reaction score
903
Awards
88
Website
kiramekipublic.neocities.org
So I've done a lot of thinking over the years, having played over 1000 (one thousand) video games, and I've concluded that these are the ge of all time. The timege
only the kamiest of ge.png

I review everything here as good. Anything not included in this chart is debatable at best.
My favorite music is Limp Bizkit btw. Not sure why that matters but I feel compelled to mention it
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

mydadiscar

Webcomics! Banzai!
Joined
Jan 20, 2022
Messages
690
Reaction score
2,352
Awards
181
Postal 2 is honestly the game I've had the most fun in.
 
Virtual Cafe Awards
  • Coffee (Like)
Reactions: UCD

Pink Fluffy Cat

Traveler
Joined
Nov 8, 2022
Messages
121
Reaction score
278
Awards
32
So I've done a lot of thinking over the years, having played over 1000 (one thousand) video games, and I've concluded that these are the ge of all time. The timege
View attachment 51475
I review everything here as good. Anything not included in this chart is debatable at best.
My favorite music is Limp Bizkit btw. Not sure why that matters but I feel compelled to mention it
>megaman x6
 

L. Rhodes

Absolutely Wizard
Joined
Jun 5, 2022
Messages
202
Reaction score
903
Awards
88
Website
kiramekipublic.neocities.org
So I've done a lot of thinking over the years, having played over 1000 (one thousand) video games, and I've concluded that these are the ge of all time. The timege
View attachment 51475
I review everything here as good. Anything not included in this chart is debatable at best.
My favorite music is Limp Bizkit btw. Not sure why that matters but I feel compelled to mention it
So I fell asleep immediately after posting this and in my dream it was revealed to me that this wasn't funny at all. My apologies to anyone who finds that it is. I was going to make an image like this to shitpost on /v/, but now that it's attached to my username, that does not seem like a wise decision. Probably for the best.

Here's a compensatory actual review:
eD1lcw

Dungeon Dice Monsters for the Game Boy Advance is perhaps the pinnacle of Konami jank. True kusokino to the highest degree. The animations take forever. The gameplay is repetitive. The music is grooving. It froze multiple times while I was playing it on an emulator. My type of video game exactly! A real Classic of Game.
If you are unfamiliar, you may be thinking, "Yu-Gi-Oh?" Isn't that a card game?" No. That is Duel Monsters. This has dice. It's completely different.
cDQ3XzAxLnBuZw

You can tell it's different because fan-favorite bad card, Larvae Moth, which is considered to be the worst card, is the best dice in this game. That's not a joke. You could use a "deck" containing only the Larvae Moth dice and you would have a better chance of winning than any other combination. Which is sad, because then you'll never get to see the Exodia dice animation.


業火殲滅 -Hellfire Annihilation-

There are other dice, too, featuring all sorts of fan-favorite monsters, but it doesn't really matter because they're all the same anyways. Also, you're never going to get them all, because Konami didn't expect you to play this game for more than an hour. Just like Konami's products in real life, and a practice that would be emulated again once mobile games became popular, everything in this game is overpriced. The most sure way of getting dice is to buy them, but that isn't really going to be happening for any of them except the cheapest ones. I estimated that it would take you upwards of 10 hours playing in-game to get the money necessary to purchase a single of the more expensive ones. So no Exodia, sadly.
All around kino bad game. Would not recommend.

6-sides-of-a-dice/10
darkjared_reviews (1).jpg
 
Last edited:
Virtual Cafe Awards

L. Rhodes

Absolutely Wizard
Joined
Jun 5, 2022
Messages
202
Reaction score
903
Awards
88
Website
kiramekipublic.neocities.org
So I fell asleep immediately after posting this and in my dream it was revealed to me that this wasn't funny at all. My apologies to anyone who finds that it is. I was going to make an image like this to shitpost on /v/, but now that it's attached to my username, that does not seem like a wise decision. Probably for the best.

Here's a compensatory actual review:
eD1lcw

Dungeon Dice Monsters for the Game Boy Advance is perhaps the pinnacle of Konami jank. True kusokino to the highest degree. The animations take forever. The gameplay is repetitive. The music is grooving. It froze multiple times while I was playing it on an emulator. My type of video game exactly! A real Classic of Game.
If you are unfamiliar, you may be thinking, "Yu-Gi-Oh?" Isn't that a card game?" No. That is Duel Monsters. This has dice. It's completely different.
cDQ3XzAxLnBuZw

You can tell it's different because fan-favorite bad card, Larvae Moth, which is considered to be the worst card, is the best dice in this game. That's not a joke. You could use a "deck" containing only the Larvae Moth dice and you would have a better chance of winning than any other combination. Which is sad, because then you'll never get to see the Exodia dice animation.


業火殲滅 -Hellfire Annihilation-

There are other dice, too, featuring all sorts of fan-favorite monsters, but it doesn't really matter because they're all the same anyways. Also, you're never going to get them all, because Konami didn't expect you to play this game for more than an hour. Just like Konami's products in real life, and a practice that would be emulated again once mobile games became popular, everything in this game is overpriced. The most sure way of getting dice is to buy them, but that isn't really going to be happening for any of them except the cheapest ones. I estimated that it would take you upwards of 10 hours playing in-game to get the money necessary to purchase a single of the more expensive ones. So no Exodia, sadly.
All around kino bad game. Would not recommend.

6-sides-of-a-dice/10
View attachment 51494

I had fun making this post. I think that I want to make game reviews on my Youtube channel now. Dark Jared will return
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

Similar threads

Containment Chat
Rules Help Users
  • zalaz alaza:
    you guys all uk?
  • Red:
    I am
  • LOB:
    Yep
  • zalaz alaza:
    i know punp is. heh
  • LOB:
    looking forward to not being uk
  • Red:
    there's no escape
  • LOB:
    Who's going to stop me
  • Red:
    I'll be there, waiting
  • LOB:
    What if I stay in the common wealth and kiss a picture of charles every morning
  • Red:
    we'll allow it
  • Punp:
    God save the king
  • Punp:
    Can't think of any dramas? Ummm how about Coronations Street or Eastenders
  • Punp:
    >2023 >not streaming a full season of Coronation Street a week
  • LOB:
    Idk drama infers some sort of talent and credibility went into it
  • zalaz alaza:
    have a cold
  • zalaz alaza:
    also have a meeting w and old lady tmrw donno if i will reschedule
  • LOB:
    Why are you meeting old ladies
  • Red:
    why aren't you?
  • LOB:
    I never said I wasn't, it was a "why are you meeting old ladies"
  • zalaz alaza:
    potential new client
    +1
  • zalaz alaza:
    take care of her gardens. itll be out doors so i think will be fine
  • Pangolin:
    Still very cool job though. Must be a blast to be outside all the time.
  • Junious:
    Indeed, the impact will be felt across the entire services economy: and we don't even need humans for their political biases anymore from what ChatGPT will and won't write so far. Then again, as Twitter perhaps shows, only a core of white-collar workers are needed to actually run firms, and the rest can go help rebuild the UK or US army, or such-like. What an irony that would be: the people who patronisingly told blue-collar workers to 'learn to code' being told to become blue-collar workers, because that's just progress.
    Junious: Indeed, the impact will be felt across the entire services economy: and we don't even need...