Getting out of Depression

[AllNightNippon]

Hello all, I've been struggling with depression for awhile now and really want to find ways to improve myself. The thing that has really pushed me to trying to get better is that now not even the things I love most can bring me joy. Things like movies and vtubers just feel like chores and noise now, and trying to improve skills I want like Japanese and drawing just feels kind of hopeless. The feelings of curiosity and enthusiasm don't come up often, and it feels like I'm in a great emptiness. I'm in graduate school right now, which admittedly irks me quite a bit (the department is very hyper-left and librarians can be rather pompous about themselves), but at times I enjoy the work and think it'll give me good opportunities. I also am currently going to therapy, but I find it hard to open up and am not really liking the process so far. I don't have any irl friends, which sounds sad when I say it out loud, but I talk to people online daily and am close with my family, plus I've always been a big introvert, preferring to do things by myself even as a kid.
This is all to give some context for my situation. I've struggled trying to find good information online and felt that this forum would be a good place to ask for methods to get out of this hole. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day.

 

[Remember_Summer_Days]

I've been through those sort of feelings too bro. The 'Not even the things I used to live bring me joy anymore' stuff. I went through a tough depression on my teenage years, and I still suffer from depressive episodes. I'll say some things if I can be of any help...

Its great that you're going to therapy! Though I think you're just hindering yourself if you refuse to open up to your therapist, going to therapy can be painful but its necessary. Maybe its just your therapist? You can always look for other options if you feel like you're not going anywhere with your current one. But you're already on the right path if you're close to your family. Getting IRL friends couldn't hurt. Try building a support group of people you feel comfortable with for times when you feel especially vulnerable towards depression.

Dealing with work and hobbies with depression is tough, because you really, really don't want to be inactive, but you also don't want to burn yourself out with projects or tasks that burden you. I think you should build systems of comfort. Like after doing a tough task or something you want to avoid, have something to do to reward yourself. I know people meme with comfort characters or whatever, but in the animation industry, which can get very stressful, it helps a lot if you have a tv show or movie you enjoy playing on the background while you work. Having a cartoon on the background while I worked helped so much to get a tough college project done. When you're on those days that you really don't want to do something, do the thing that you don't want to get done while having something you enjoy playing on the background.

Its okay if you just don't like your old hobbies anymore. I used to love videogames but they became to me, like you said, white noise. You mention watching vtubers and movies feels like chores for you, then why are you submitting yourself to an unnecesary chore? Especially since you're depressed! In your free time, do something you enjoy instead. Or maybe its just the kind of vtubers and movies you watch? Try new vtubers/movies? Anyways, my main point is, don't do chores you don't have to do. You gotta have a clear time for comfort consumption, hopefully something that feels 'soulful'

I've struggled with both art and japanese. Well I still do really xDDD I get easily frustrated so my drawings and japanese skills often send me into a 'why even try' mood. When you feel that way, you got to recognize that these are irrational feelings. The truth is both of these things, getting good at art and learning a language, take years to master.

So you gotta remember why you started these things in the first place. What are your long term goals? You can't rely on enthusiasm or inspiration all the time, you have to keep practicing even if you have none at the time. And chances are, if you had good reasons for starting your language and art learning journeys, that inspiration will come back at some point. I will PM you some japanese resources that immensely helped me.

Finally, you got to figure out what kind of depression is the one you've got. Is it spiritual? Chemical? Emotional? Of course all depression seems to be a mix of these factors. But for example, in my case it helped me so much to become a christian. That might not be your issue, and I don't think becoming a christian only to feel better about yourself is a good idea, but my point is that humans needs systems of meaning to sustain themselves. I don't think most people can be successfully happy under existentialists 'I give my own meaning to my life' frameworks.

Take care bro, you're strong!

 

[Pink Fluffy Cat]

Regarding of art/skill learning, here's something that I found useful:
Don't blame yourself for retreating into the comfortably of consuming mindless media anyway. Human are inherently prone to degeneration, "sinful" if you interpret it from a religious perspective, I just hope that you don't give it in to the devil and never stop the struggle.

 

[RisingThumb]

In the words of Albert Camus... "There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide". Basically everything else comes second to that- you'll observe a lot of strange paradoxes when you try to answer that problem, as lots of people who have meaning in life commit suicide, and a lot of people who have no meaning in life continue on.

My opinion? Leave suicide within the mind, conscious or unconscious(most of the dreams I remember are ones where I commit suicide). I find embracing suicide within my mind, and committing it mentally, but not physically helps as a mental suicide cleans the slate, cleans all responsibilities and expectations. Mind you, this is on the topic of suicide- your topic of depression encounters mainly apathy. Apathy is basically a boggy swamp that claws at your feet to grind you to a halt. By not doing anything, you'll feel useless and/or hopeless, and by feeling useless and/or hopeless you'll feel meaningless, and a life where you can't ascribe meaning to anything leaves you feeling further hopelessness(consider that we are very narrative creatures, and our memories and experiences builds a narrative for who we are, which may not be objective).

Because we are our own sculptor and our chisel, in the statue that is our life.

To Jackeline's point here, this is exactly true- AND! It's the Nietzschean ideal to mould your own principles and values, and render meaning on them by your own narrative when faced against the absurdity of life(Consider we did exactly this regarding weather, natural events, the cosmos and so on in early literature by ascribing narrative meaning to them as the actions of the Gods... instead of just a Hurricane in plain life-denying scientific fact). Returning back to what Camus said, I think that paradox is answered by those who seem to have meaning, not having a meaning that lines up with who they are as a person.

Real life is just like Minecraft, you can do whatever you want :^)

I also am currently going to therapy, but I find it hard to open up and am not really liking the process so far.

Therapy is only as effective as you let it be. What I mean by that, is it's about communication, and therapists tend to follow a methodology, that is actually very effective in general. The idea is that by mirroring what people have said, you build rapport, present that you are listening, and can then inquire and ask questions, since a person who feels they are listened to, are generally more willing to open up. That said, not all therapists are good at this, AND, not all therapists agree on the theory of mind.

I'll mention the theory of mind I agree with, and that's the Jungian Theory of Mind- There's the Superego, what your ideal self is, the Ego, what you are currently, and the Id which is your instinctual nature-given behaviour. Additionally there's the division of the mind, into the Conscious, the Unconscious(in which the "Shadow" resides) and the collective unconscious(which explains common narrative elements like the Old Man/Mentor and other figures present in dreams). The Shadow is the challenging part, as it's ALL the elements of your self that you repress into the unconscious due to trauma and history- it's up to you, and diligent therapy to bring them up to consciousness and integrate them back into the self. As an example, most masculine men have completely repressed their feminine elements by childhood trauma, so properly tackling this and integrating it helps- the feminine elements tending to be stuff like sympathy, empathy, expressing emotions and so on.

This probably sounds like pseudoscientific jumbo, and that's because a lot of psychology is just pseudoscientific, taking a healthy sprinkling of what's scientific fact, and sprinkling some logical leaps- but the idea of therapy is to help a patient, not to be completely scientifically exhaustive and accurate.



Anyway... hopefully you find some value in what I rambled about above

 

[AllNightNippon]

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied so far, I was blown away by all the great advice and kind words given so far. I feel very blessed to have found this community.

 

[Razzle Dazzle]

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied so far, I was blown away by all the great advice and kind words given so far. I feel very blessed to have found this community.

You're welcome.

I've been in your shoes as well, more times than I can recall myself. You are not alone in this struggle, even though it feels like it, I won't deny. But you're stronger than you realize.

 

[wired.rehab]

1. Take care of your biological needs. In many ways you are an organic machine. Machines perform best when they are getting the right fuel and maintenance.

• Go to bed and wake at a regular time every day.
• Eat 3 square meals a day.
• Many urban-dwellers lack Vitamin D, Magnesium, and Iodine. Consider your current diet and make sure such needs are being met.
• Get regular physical exercise. You don't need to be a gym-rat, but walking the dog every day or going to the skate park every weekend is hugely beneficial.

2. Begin forming an array of good habits. Like threads in a rope each supports the other and makes you stronger. Ensure you're doing the basics (Making bed every morning and brushing twice a day) and add a few more of your choosing to have a good foundational routine. (Cold showers, going to the gym, journaling, meditation/prayer, etc.)

3. Recognize the things that make you happy. Make time for them.

4. Set goals. Learn new things. Make roadmaps, set checkpoints, plan on how to reach them. Adjust as needed.

5. Recognize bad habits. Many struggle with reaching for TikTok/>reddit/Youtube/Pornography whenever they're bored, resulting in hours of wasted time each week, time spent doing an activity that does not bring any satisfaction. Stopping a bad habit is similar to forming a good habit or meeting a goal. It takes planning and time.

6. Ensure your inner-voice is healthy and positive. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your most beloved friend. Hold yourself accountable of course, but be kind.

7. Keep a journal. Note events and feelings of the day, keep track of your mental health. Give yourself a regular time (such as before bed) to meditate on your emotional well-being and how your habit-forming, habit-breaking, and goals are going. Journaling regularly gives you a shortcut to realizations and helps you adjust course quickly. Not every entry needs to be an in-depth review of course, but journaling regularly allows you to quickly realize when you need to.

 

[Gift of Denial]

I'm a constant source of self-amusement, to be honest. I'm prone to fits of terrible despair that may last for months to a year, even longer, but I can't say I'm depressed properly during those moments - what I want to say is: Narcissism saved my life, my reflection in the water stopped me from jumping.

 

[7Pebbles]

Edit: I just realized that this is an older thread, but I'll be leaving this here anyway in hopes of helping anyone who reads it and needs it.

I don't know a magic formula for getting out of depression, there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution that is both specific and guarantees success. So I'll share my story, and see if I can't pull something useful out of that.

I was able to make my way out of depression about 6 months ago. I had been going to college, for computer science. By this point in my life, I had learned something like 9 different programming languages, and had gotten to the point that I didn't tend to care what language I was writing in, as long as I knew what the language was designed for. As such, I found the assignments and lessons from my computer science classes to be busywork that wasn't helping me all that much. My other classes were fine, but difficult and not super related to what I wanted to be doing. At the end of the day, I was attempting to suffer through it because I thought I needed the diploma at the end in order to get anywhere in life. Eventually I ended up just not going to classes. I couldn't stand to think about it; I felt so ashamed.

At the same time, my girlfriend and I were going through a rougher patch as well. She could, on some deeper level, tell that I was demotivated, which made her feel insecure. She wanted me to be more of a leader for us, rather than doing the bare minimum needed to get by. She wanted to know from my actions that I was invested in her. Her reaction to this insecure feeling was to push and push for us to get engaged and then married. We had been together for a while by that point, and both of us knew that we were going to get married at some point, I was just dragging my feet because I wanted to get my shit together before marrying her. I didn't feel particularly worthy.

She pushed and pushed, and eventually I gave in. It was a really tense moment, as I was feeling a lot of pressure from her, and was having a hard time gauging what I actually wanted. But I was able to get enough clarity in the moment to know that when I said yes that I wasn't compromised. From that point, I got her an engagement ring, and then we started wedding planning. Even after we were engaged, I still wanted to move slower. I was still feeling like I didn't offer her very much. So I sat my ass down, and asked myself what my goals really were. I came back with these:

1. To be able to provide for myself and my to-be wife
2. To be able to buy a house
3. To be able to live somewhat comfortably
4. To have kids with the aforementioned to-be wife
5. To be able to support the aforementioned kids
6. To have a job doing something that I liked

I thought about it, and noticed that none of these goals strictly required college. I had been turning down a standing job offer at a small IT company to be a developer for them, in favor of college. I was worried that if things at the IT company didn't work out that I'd be screwed without a diploma. But then I realized that I was already failing to get a diploma, so maybe I should take a chance and take the offer. So I put college on hold and jumped in to professional software development. If it didn't work out I could always go back to college, and if it did work out then I'd be meeting my goals in a way that didn't make me hate myself or my life. It was a "scared money doesn't make money" moment.

Now I'm working there full time. I'm actually a valuable part of the company, and I'm happy to give it my all, because I know that they're prioritizing taking care of their employees. Beyond even that though, I love what I do. I get to think on all manner of engaging problems that actually make a difference in the lives of the people who use the tools I make them. I got married a couple of weeks ago, and I'm feeling very fulfilled. I don't hate myself for being a failure anymore, because I'm doing things that are actually worthwhile; meeting more and more of the goals I had set for myself. I love my wife, and am am excited to see her every day. I'm slowly making friends, and learning to like more things. I can feel my un-achieved goals inching closer by the day.

What is my takeaway from all this?

Taking on responsibilities that align with your goals will give you purpose. Fulfillment and motivation come from making almost any measurable progress towards that goal/purpose. At college, I had taken responsibility that didn't align with my goals. As such, I had no solid purpose, and couldn't find the motivation to keep at it, and so spiraled into shame, feeling like a failure. Setting these goals and making progress towards them requires seeking out the truth. And that is often the thing that I wanted to do the least. (I grew up a liar.) But since then I've come to realize that alignment with the full truth of a situation is always the best thing for all parties involved. The truth was that I wasn't a desirable provider when I was avoiding college and hating myself. The way that I was able to confront these truths is the realization that they don't need to be tied to shame. The only person who cared that I was ashamed was me. God isn't afraid of my fuck-ups. And once I realized that I didn't need to feel shame about the facts, I was able to get comfortable thinking things over, and was able to actually make a change to my life.

 

[266hz]

ive had it for yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars it got good again but people started dying and shit sucks now! we are so back!

 

[Ardea]

Honestly an hour of intense exercise per day will get you out of your own head and put things in a perspective where you can actually affect the things causing the persistent low mood. Can't recommend it enough. Ideally take up a combat sport, you'll make like-minded friends and the other benefits are obvious.