Guilt

[1980Miami]

Guilt is the driving force in my life. I always feel guilty about something. White lies, joking insults that get taken seriously, not giving my time to the people I love. It haunts me like a spectre. Lately, I had to leave a relationship that wasn't good for me, with someone who was a good person deep down. They had serious issues that resulted in bringing me significant pain, stress, anxiety, etc. I felt controlled and manipulated and even used at times. Despite this, I could have done it in a better way, and I feel like I abandoned someone that really needed my help and was suffering. I have been consumed by my guilt.

I realize though, talking about it helps. Getting others' opinions helps. I want to know what you feel guilty about. Maybe telling me will give you some release

 

[mast]

Brother I unfortunately have very little advice for you and for some reason feel very compelled to help, although I don't think that's what you were seeking to begin with. I do commend you and think you should feel proud of yourself for being able to share these feelings and acknowledge them.

Guilt and regret are not exactly the same thing but it is too difficult to live our lives with regrets. We must view them as mistakes, use them as a catalyst for self-growth, and move on.

I feel guilty for ignoring text messages from a friend who recently died. I wasn't specifically ignoring him, but all communication in general. Our last words were about ordinary human hum-drum, brief banal shit. Not the type of thing you want your last communication with someone to be about. Pain is necessary and a great teacher, but I will eventually simply have to let go.

 

[Azure_Riviera]

Talking about it definitely helps man. But there is always going to be guilt for something. To choose one thing in life is to discard ALL other choices at the time.

I feel guilt over a lot of things as an adult. I feel guilt for wanting to have free time and hobbies even though I have a wife and a kid. I feel like if I'm not working to better our lives or upgrade something in the house that I am not doing enough for them. When I do have free time I try to play video games, something I've done since I was literally 5, but I feel guilty for even playing. Well, that and over the past 10 years I've been gaming less and less, just not as fun anymore. Being an adult with responsibilities has gotten in the way of a lot. I have let friendships deteriorate and die off and I feel guilt over that as well. I feel like I don't have the right to call up my old friends and shoot the shit with them.

Some days will be better than others, and with time some guilt can go away completely. It's time to take a new step and start a different chapter in your life. But just because you start a new chapter does not mean this one is closed yet. You close your own chapters on your own terms.

Best of luck to you.

 

[1980Miami]

Brother I unfortunately have very little advice for you and for some reason feel very compelled to help, although I don't think that's what you were seeking to begin with. I do commend you and think you should feel proud of yourself for being able to share these feelings and acknowledge them.

Guilt and regret are not exactly the same thing but it is too difficult to live our lives with regrets. We must view them as mistakes, use them as a catalyst for self-growth, and move on.

I feel guilty for ignoring text messages from a friend who recently died. I wasn't specifically ignoring him, but all communication in general. Our last words were about ordinary human hum-drum, brief banal shit. Not the type of thing you want your last communication with someone to be about. Pain is necessary and a great teacher, but I will eventually simply have to let go.

Thank you four your kind words. There is something very moving about the idea that someone out there is reading my words and feels a compulsion to help. What you said about the difference between guilt and regret resonated with me. Part of me knows I did the right thing, but I feel guilty anyway. Maybe leaning on those feelings of relief versus submerging myself in guilt and grief is what I need to do.

I'm sorry for your loss. There is something terrifying about not knowing what your last conversation with someone will look like. I'm sure you wish your last words would have been of love and support and admiration and I'm sorry it couldn't turn out that way.

Thank you for sharing with me and making me feel less alone

 

[1980Miami]

Talking about it definitely helps man. But there is always going to be guilt for something. To choose one thing in life is to discard ALL other choices at the time.

I feel guilt over a lot of things as an adult. I feel guilt for wanting to have free time and hobbies even though I have a wife and a kid. I feel like if I'm not working to better our lives or upgrade something in the house that I am not doing enough for them. When I do have free time I try to play video games, something I've done since I was literally 5, but I feel guilty for even playing. Well, that and over the past 10 years I've been gaming less and less, just not as fun anymore. Being an adult with responsibilities has gotten in the way of a lot. I have let friendships deteriorate and die off and I feel guilt over that as well. I feel like I don't have the right to call up my old friends and shoot the shit with them.

Some days will be better than others, and with time some guilt can go away completely. It's time to take a new step and start a different chapter in your life. But just because you start a new chapter does not mean this one is closed yet. You close your own chapters on your own terms.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for sharing with me. Your guilt reminds me of my grandfather's guilt. He lived through the Weimar era in Germany and the Great Depression in the US as a child. Obviously this was the source of an extreme trauma and he was never able to enjoy himself as an adult. He was always afraid he wasn't doing enough for his family, making enough money, working hard enough, etc. He ended up dying without having gone on vacation in years, no hobbies, never allowing himself to experience nice things.

Obviously I'm not saying you're that extreme or anything close. Just that I know you're doing your best and your love for your family is clear and honorable. At the same time, you can't punish yourself for doing things for yourself when you get the chance, even though they come first. I feel the same way you do about your friends, that I excused myself from their lives and have no way back in, wish I had something good to share about that.

Thank you for those closing thoughts, I'll keep what you said about closing chapters in mind. At the end of the day I control my reality and that is powerful.

Thank you for sharing with me

 

[Ogerch]

I don't feel wise about what I'm about to tell you but rest assured that it is from the heart. I wish to simply give my two cents on your sense of guilt.

It is good that you are very conscious of your guilt at times. The problem is usually if you overly guilt trip yourself. You don't necessarily have control of everything in your life. Past deeds have past and you weren't the same person as before.
Feeling guilty is one thing but forgiving oneself is hard. Nobody in life is innocent of anything. We are merely human, too human in fact.

Forgive yourself but most importantly learn to overcome them or acknowledge that they are mishaps. But, hey, Im just a young lad that knows nothing of life's misfortunes. Here is some words from Pierre Corneille.

"One is often guilty by being too just."

This is ,at least, what I believe.

 

[1980Miami]

I don't feel wise about what I'm about to tell you but rest assured that it is from the heart. I wish to simply give my two cents on your sense of guilt.

It is good that you are very conscious of your guilt at times. The problem is usually if you overly guilt trip yourself. You don't necessarily have control of everything in your life. Past deeds have past and you weren't the same person as before.
Feeling guilty is one thing but forgiving oneself is hard. Nobody in life is innocent of anything. We are merely human, too human in fact.

Forgive yourself but most importantly learn to overcome them or acknowledge that they are mishaps. But, hey, Im just a young lad that knows nothing of life's misfortunes. Here is some words from Pierre Corneille.

"One is often guilty by being too just."

This is ,at least, what I believe.

That is a hell of a quote