What's new
  • Donate and support Agora Road's Macintosh Cafe to keep the forum alive and make any necessary upgrades to have a more pleasant experience! In addition, you will be able to have "moods" enabled on your profile and have donation only awards! Update: I configured the site with Brave Browser, so you can send tips to the site with BAT.

    You can now donate directly to the forum without signing up for patreon. You will still have all of the same perks in patreon but its now one less sign up method. It will be under Account Upgrades

    This is the submission thread for the 2nd E-zine! Please use the dropbox linke for submissions and bump the thread with ideas, comments, statements, or just to bump. If you want to submit your stories or whatever you want to the second edition.

How Much My Life Sux by Anonymous Loozer (September 15, 2001)

:toilet:How Much My Life Sux Anonymous Loozer (September 15, 2001) :Pdove:
suck GIF
suck GIF


This document outlines how much my life sux, hence the title. I chose to be anon cause if I wuzn't, then My life would suck even more!

- There's this total slut in skool. She hits on everybody. She hit on everybody I know, she fucked my friends (or at least tried(she's been around a bit so she's probably got a few STDs)), and she has never hit on me.

- Every chick I've asked out or told I liked as either resulted in a terrible burn (ie. Eeewww (which I've receive 2x) or a quick, simple no.

- I go to skool.

- I have no job and therefore have very little money.

- I have been ripped off a few times when I wuz a newbie 2 drugs. I wuz sold broccoli, got money 2 a traffiker first and then the 'guy' was 'caught five seconds b4 i got there' and 'i dropped ur cash and ran'

- I am a pushover. Ppl have spit in my face, slapped me, pushed me around, punched me repeatedly, kicked, poked, and given a full body beating and done nothing about it. I want to, but I don't know why I don't.

- I have hick-ass parents who will not allow me to change, and so I'm stuck in this geek/nerd look.

- I am fat, about 40lbs overweight. It really sux being fat. I got stretch marks. Which really sux. I hate them, there fucking gross. I have no clue on how 2 get rid of them either.

- I have nothing better to do than to sit on my ass and rot.

- 16, going on 17 and wishing I wuzn't a virgin

- I can't beleive in god, or any other greater beings b/c of my mentally developed reality.

- Ppl tell me that reality is gonna slap me in the face someday, but they have absolutely no idea what reality is when ur me.

- I can't commit suicide cause that would hurt (breaking ur neck in a noose would fucking hurt, and I live in a rural area, so there r no buildings that r tall enough for me to kill myself), and I'm afraid of dying(not death, those r 2 very different things).

- There's these fucking ppl who will push me around and shit, call me there bitch, and yet they will say that they care about me, and don't want me to
kill myself.
200.gif

- Homicide would b fun, but... hmmm. can't think of any buts there! ;)

- I think my brain is deteriorating already, cause my short-term memory has pretty much died in the last 3 yrs.

- The last chick that came on to me wuz butt-ugly, but I really regret turning her down.

- I'm thinking of becoming a-sexual b/c I'm not havin very much luck. I can't b gay cause guys r the most ugly fucking thing I've ever seen. I'm fucking disgusted by myself! (but thats not gonna stop me from playing with myself! ;))

- I think I may grow up to be a rapist.

- I have never been 2 a party, and there r lots around here. But nobody tells me about them (wonder y...)

- I have diagnosed myself with average to above average sociophobia, which is the fear of social instances. I am afraid to walk in the halls of my
skool alone or without a distraction from all the ppl. I hate when somebody laughs near me, or whispers, or looks at me, because in my mind I am sure they talking/making fun of me, although I know they probably aren't.

- I'm writing about my problems on the internet.

- I want WWIII, I know it's going to happen and I'm going to die in it.

- I think I have the inablitiy to hate. This one church chick said that it's a blessing, and she wishes she couldn't hate either. But it sux. Not being
able to hate really really sux.

Well, those are most of the reasons of y I suk. There's more, but I'm afraid to write about them, even with the anonmity of the web.
 

mast

Active Traveler
Joined
May 31, 2021
Messages
157
Reaction score
433
Awards
53
Takes me back - it reads like an old Xanga post. Where'd you find this?
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

ETierhuman

The most eh person here
Joined
Sep 12, 2021
Messages
104
Reaction score
513
Awards
45
:toilet:How Much My Life Sux Anonymous Loozer (September 15, 2001) :Pdove:
suck GIF
suck GIF


This document outlines how much my life sux, hence the title. I chose to be anon cause if I wuzn't, then My life would suck even more!

- There's this total slut in skool. She hits on everybody. She hit on everybody I know, she fucked my friends (or at least tried(she's been around a bit so she's probably got a few STDs)), and she has never hit on me.

- Every chick I've asked out or told I liked as either resulted in a terrible burn (ie. Eeewww (which I've receive 2x) or a quick, simple no.

- I go to skool.

- I have no job and therefore have very little money.

- I have been ripped off a few times when I wuz a newbie 2 drugs. I wuz sold broccoli, got money 2 a traffiker first and then the 'guy' was 'caught five seconds b4 i got there' and 'i dropped ur cash and ran'

- I am a pushover. Ppl have spit in my face, slapped me, pushed me around, punched me repeatedly, kicked, poked, and given a full body beating and done nothing about it. I want to, but I don't know why I don't.

- I have hick-ass parents who will not allow me to change, and so I'm stuck in this geek/nerd look.

- I am fat, about 40lbs overweight. It really sux being fat. I got stretch marks. Which really sux. I hate them, there fucking gross. I have no clue on how 2 get rid of them either.

- I have nothing better to do than to sit on my ass and rot.

- 16, going on 17 and wishing I wuzn't a virgin

- I can't beleive in god, or any other greater beings b/c of my mentally developed reality.

- Ppl tell me that reality is gonna slap me in the face someday, but they have absolutely no idea what reality is when ur me.

- I can't commit suicide cause that would hurt (breaking ur neck in a noose would fucking hurt, and I live in a rural area, so there r no buildings that r tall enough for me to kill myself), and I'm afraid of dying(not death, those r 2 very different things).

- There's these fucking ppl who will push me around and shit, call me there bitch, and yet they will say that they care about me, and don't want me to
kill myself.
200.gif

- Homicide would b fun, but... hmmm. can't think of any buts there! ;)

- I think my brain is deteriorating already, cause my short-term memory has pretty much died in the last 3 yrs.

- The last chick that came on to me wuz butt-ugly, but I really regret turning her down.

- I'm thinking of becoming a-sexual b/c I'm not havin very much luck. I can't b gay cause guys r the most ugly fucking thing I've ever seen. I'm fucking disgusted by myself! (but thats not gonna stop me from playing with myself! ;))

- I think I may grow up to be a rapist.

- I have never been 2 a party, and there r lots around here. But nobody tells me about them (wonder y...)

- I have diagnosed myself with average to above average sociophobia, which is the fear of social instances. I am afraid to walk in the halls of my
skool alone or without a distraction from all the ppl. I hate when somebody laughs near me, or whispers, or looks at me, because in my mind I am sure they talking/making fun of me, although I know they probably aren't.

- I'm writing about my problems on the internet.

- I want WWIII, I know it's going to happen and I'm going to die in it.

- I think I have the inablitiy to hate. This one church chick said that it's a blessing, and she wishes she couldn't hate either. But it sux. Not being
able to hate really really sux.

Well, those are most of the reasons of y I suk. There's more, but I'm afraid to write about them, even with the anonmity of the web.
wtf anon
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

Kolph

Banditti of the Agora
Joined
Oct 11, 2021
Messages
1,149
Reaction score
3,213
Awards
220
What a thread to make my first post on...
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

vaporwavemaster1

Eccojamming Emperor
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
719
Reaction score
744
Awards
104
これはおそらくトロールポストですが、たとえそれがそうであったとしても、おそらくその種の最初のものです。当時、こんな投稿があるなんて知らなかった
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

DeathToMicroWaves

Are you being held hostage by a spider?
Joined
Aug 24, 2021
Messages
115
Reaction score
150
Awards
27
I can imagen the reply's if this was on 4chan
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

mydadiscar

Webcomics! Banzai!
Joined
Jan 20, 2022
Messages
454
Reaction score
1,058
Awards
99
Funny elephant gif. Haha funny.
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

TRXTR

Classified Personnel Only Past This Point
Silver
Joined
Dec 17, 2021
Messages
66
Reaction score
141
Awards
31
Website
krowznezt.net
Depressing, and telling of our times. The melancholy absurdness of this man's predicament, it reflects something within us all. If he was 16-17 in 2001, that would make him, oh... 37-38 now? Not too many years older than myself...
 
Virtual Cafe Awards

NW_Cryptid

Transcendent Coalescence
Joined
Oct 18, 2021
Messages
61
Reaction score
98
Awards
16
my god, half of this reads like the kid is trying to sound tough and half reads like he's such a bitch he'd never do it.

How the hell is he going to commit homicide if he can't even fight back against people who beat the shit out of him? Likely story. Same goes for the whole "I'll probably grow up to be a rapist" comment, that sounds like it's 100% his weird sexual fantasies coming out. If he can't fight off people who actively hurt him there's no way this asshole is going to be able to force himself on someone. He just wants to talk big because he's a virgin.

Okay but I will give him credit for the comment "I'm thinking of becoming a-sexual since I'm not having any luck" what a fucking big brain play. Avoiding becoming an incel by taking the in out of it. He's not involuntarily a virgin, oh no don't go thinking that, not this absolute gigachad of a man. He is VOLUNTARILY a virgin (because he can't get laid) BY CHOICE, ladies that dick is off limits only for the most 10 out of 10 "chicks"

Normally I'd say "grow up" but the fucker was literally 16. So I guess I can cut him some slack. Sure I might laugh at this dumbfuck post all this time later but I'd not say this shit to his face, especially not when he was only a kid. Kids are dumb, they say and do dumb shit. This dude probably got a retail wage cuck job and figured out his life by the time he was 28. I doubt he's living it up but he's probably better off than he was (wouldn't be hard if we're to believe this shit was all true) or you know, maybe he's an absolute waste of oxygen living with his parents throwing money at tikthots so they'll waggle their tits at him like a sad lonely bastard.
 
Virtual Cafe Awards