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Interesting survival tips

CognacDefender

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Learnt all these from the man, Bear Grylls, himself.
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(Just look at his piercing gaze, you can tell he's eaten a small, Polynesian child just to survive. It's kill or be killed when your stuck in the wilderness, even if what your eating could get you done or executed by oceanic cartels or both.)
Alright, now listen up.
1. Drink your own piss. This is a number one rule/ hobby in all survival books. Piss is almost ass good as water, and it is good for flavoring tarts.
2. Eat bugs. No, I'm not talking about that new-aged, pre-packaged crap, I'm talking eating bugs straight of the ground (or spit roasting them on a fire if your smart enough too put some rocks together and spin a stick really good.)
3. Extract the water from dried shit, not yours, you twat. This only works when your in a place with elephants, and is genuinely agreed upon to be a worse way of quenching your thirst than just drinking your piss, but if you happen to be a scatfag, this could be a decent way of not dying of thirst. Just don't tell anyone you had to drink water from crap to survive if you escape whatever situation you got yourself in.
4. Take a cameraman with your to eat if you can't find food. Just remember to take a cameraman with a high center of mass, this makes it easier to push them of high places to kill them. If they don't die, then your gonna have to finish them off, you better hope you brung or made a knife and you're not a pussy. But if they aren't hurt by a 30 foot drop into a ravine, well then you just have a rabid cameraman trying to hunt you down.
These are all of the survival tips I could find through the many reruns of Man vs Wild I've watched. if any of you have some to add, please do.
 
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