Lack of interactions with girls during childhood/teenagehood and its effects on the male psyche

[saigo z]

Ever since I can remember, I never had a close friendship with girls the same age as me, and almost no girl would ever talk to me, it has been like this since kindergarten. Maybe it's because of my appearance features (light brown skinned, weak jawline, round face, potato nose, use eyeglasses, nerdy looks, skinny as hell, almost anorexic, shy, introvert, etc. Basically I'm a ugly black nerd)

I only remember one girl that I felt that were genuinely nice and friendly to me (with exception of female parents and relatives). But the majority of them would just ignore me or look me with a look of disgust.

And I feel that (if I'm not wrong, there are studies that kinda support my point) when boys are friends with girls at a scholar age, they become more confident, and I can tell by my life experience that this is true.

It's been like one year that I'm watching pill channels and a lot of what they say makes sense and explain a lot my childhood/teenagehood experience towards the opposite sex. They preach that your looks determine your life, which means people (specially women) will treat you better if you are a Chad.

I feel like if I were more validated by girl my self esteem would be way higher than it is.

In order to fell better about that myself and sorta scape from that stuff, I created a waifu, a imaginary wife. Her name is Aeryyn, every night, I fantasize with her for about 45 min to 1 hour, and that really helps me to cope with my lack of success with the opposite sex.

My therapist said that if I had a girlfriend that would really help me to feel better about myself, but my parents think I'm too young and immature, I don't know what to do so I keep coping with waifus and internet until my enlightenment comes.

Ps: Please, don't call me an incel, my speech may be incellike, but I am really not one an incel, I respect women a lot, thanks

 

[deepfreeze]

Lift weights. It is literally that simple.

 

[deepfreeze]

Sorry, I'm not white, nor 6 ft, nor have blue eyes. So it's really not that simple

Y'know what? I apologize for being glib. But none of those things are requirements for lifting something heavy and putting it back down. You're not going to turn into a Chad overnight but I guarantee you will feel a million times better. Also, get out of that blackpill shit before it permanently fucks up your brain. I've seen it happen. If going to the gym is too overwhelming or too expensive, get a light kettlebell and learn swings and get-ups. If your therapist has repeatedly ignored the simplest and most effective thing you can do to dramatically increase your physical and mental health as well as your looks, and is instead encouraging you to get stuck in a loop of rejection and growing bitterness then they fucking suck.

 

[shinobu]

In order to fell better about that myself and sorta scape from that stuff, I created a waifu, a imaginary wife. Her name is Aeryyn, every night, I fantasize with her for about 45 min to 1 hour, and that really helps me to cope with my lack of success with the opposite sex.

I don't have a solution for you but avoid daydreaming. You're training your brain to get the benefits of things without having to put in the work, which will make you never act when something requires effort. So your coping mechanism will worsen depression, ADHD, and other similar pathologies.

until my enlightenment comes

It won't. You're being reactive rather than proactive so what exactly could happen to you without your involvement? And you watch pill channels so you're basically being fed an alternate reality, which warps your perception of everything.

 

[Aral]

Well first, let me tell you. With such a mindset, you're not going to go anywhere. It's not that no girl will want you, but you're more likely to attract one who is really a terrible person and will play on your insecurities rather than a healthy one. Those smell insecurity and lack of confidence like sharks can smell blood. Spoiler: you'd rather be alone than with such a bitch.

I don't think it's because you're ugly, first and foremost. You think of yourself as ugly, but are you, really? I haven't seen you and I think looks aren't as important as they're made out to be (only shallow people would determine a partner's worth by their looks anyway, so you dodge a first bullet), but I think the issue is more in your confidence. On any gender, being confident is attractive. Your self-esteem sure is partly shaped by how your early experiences were, but you can also make the conscious decision to work on it. Besides, your therapist sucks. It's not by having a gf that you'd increase your self-esteem. It will probably worsen your insecurities because due to not considering yourself a valuable partner, you'll constantly fear she'll cheat on you or find a new, better guy. You may behave in ways that end up enforcing this self-fulfilling prophecy. People can only tolerate someone who acts like this for so long. It wouldn't be because you're unworthy, but because it's quite hard to love someone who doesn't estimate or respect themselves, and most people don't have the patience for that. I don't say this to scare you, but the consoomer mindset that is in our society drives people to just ditch at the first difficulty most of the time. You need to heal yourself. No one can heal you except yourself, because it's no one's responsibility but yours to do it.

Have you had any childhood trauma? Have your parents behaved towards you in a way that made you feel you were "unworthy" or something like that?

PS: stop watching the pill channels. Seriously. Those guys promote an incredibly toxic ideology.

 

[Xovi]

do exposure therapy, just you know.. talk to girls.
I know how it it is, lol, i had that same problem you had.
I got along more with the bros than i did with girls, but thats okay. that happens, and thats just something you just gotta work on. Talk to girls more,

and if youre gonna give me incel tier cope, then PLEASE, please, go seek mental help. Cause im offering good advice, there are men out there that are literally weaker you, uglier you, worse than you in every way, and they get pussy. JUST talk, get comfortable being uncomfortable.

 

[Cobalt]

Perhaps it may have played a role. In any case there isn't anything you can do to change the past, nor do I think you ought to use that as an excuse. On my campus I see plenty of shorter, scrawnier, dorkier looking guys with GFs. Just start working out and running and get yourself into as good a shape as possible and focus on education and career attainment. Also start putting yourself into social situations that force you to talk to people and gain social skills. The upside about being a guy is that dating typically gets easier the older we get, whereas women are sort of on a harsher biological clock than we are. You'd be surprised how many women are single into their late 20's, 30's and 40's. It's not the end of the world if you missed out on "teenage romance", your time will come, especially if you start putting in the work now. Never let anyone make you feel bad for being a virgin either.

If I were you I'd stop with the blackpill shit and the waifu stuff. Best case scenario it doesn't help you. Worst case it ends up being a huge cope and makes you complacent, if not a degenerate incel loser. Force yourself to suffer through the loneliness because that is what will motivate you to work your hardest for change. For example, in my colleges dining hall I see many people who sit alone every meal. They have no friends to eat with and so they distract themselves in their phones. Should you find yourself in this spot don't distract yourself, remember what it feels like to be eating alone when everyone else around you is with friends. Don't fill your mind with things that distract from either your current suffering nor from your goals. I recognize that for some people this is easier said than done, and I recognize the genetic realities that some people have been dealt. However, there is more honor in tying and failing than in never trying at all. Also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, stoicism helps a lot, not foolish incel dribble.

 

[Mеченый Яков]

Sorry, I'm not white, nor 6 ft, nor have blue eyes. So it's really not that simple

Don't be such a wimp, that's why you have no maidens, those are superficial attributes, and won't do any change at all, what you need is confidence, and how you earn confidence? By doing stuff that improves you, physically and mentally, hit the gym, pump the iron, do a lot of cardio, eath healthy, get a job, go to therapy and set a focus/goals you wanna achieve, when you are the best version of yourself, the idea of a partner won't come to your mind anymore AND THERE FRIEND, is when life will throw you maidens, so start acting now, and don't give up, boss, you got it.

 

[Mеченый Яков]

do exposure therapy, just you know.. talk to girls.

ERP is highly underrated, i'm on ERP therapy dude, and for real, has helped me to overcome many stuff, i do not feel suicidal anymore!

 

[Taleisin]

Ever since I can remember, I never had a close friendship with girls the same age as me, and almost no girl would ever talk to me, it has been like this since kindergarten. Maybe it's because of my appearance features (light brown skinned, weak jawline, round face, potato nose, use eyeglasses, nerdy looks, skinny as hell, almost anorexic, shy, introvert, etc. Basically I'm a ugly black nerd)

I only remember one girl that I felt that were genuinely nice and friendly to me (with exception of female parents and relatives). But the majority of them would just ignore me or look me with a look of disgust.

And I feel that (if I'm not wrong, there are studies that kinda support my point) when boys are friends with girls at a scholar age, they become more confident, and I can tell by my life experience that this is true.

It's been like one year that I'm watching pill channels and a lot of what they say makes sense and explain a lot my childhood/teenagehood experience towards the opposite sex. They preach that your looks determine your life, which means people (specially women) will treat you better if you are a Chad.

I feel like if I were more validated by girl my self esteem would be way higher than it is.

In order to fell better about that myself and sorta scape from that stuff, I created a waifu, a imaginary wife. Her name is Aeryyn, every night, I fantasize with her for about 45 min to 1 hour, and that really helps me to cope with my lack of success with the opposite sex.

My therapist said that if I had a girlfriend that would really help me to feel better about myself, but my parents think I'm too young and immature, I don't know what to do so I keep coping with waifus and internet until my enlightenment comes

Your self-worth is determined by your success in obtaining the things you value. If you value the things you do not have, you will have low self-worth. Much of society does encourage the valuation of things like material worth, sex, and status. Those things are the greatest sources of inequality within society and the most visible, so they become the most valued by those who do not have them. This creates a system where people are locked into the treadmill by their own values, fighting to obtain something they've been conditioned to want without any way of seeing an escape or being aware of the reasons they are stuck.

The solution is to build your own system of values. You need to introspect, and become aware of what you really value, and why. Trace back the reasons you want things, and find the sources of the lack you feel in life. Seldom the things you think you want are actually the things you want or need.

Once you know what you really want, (be that unconditional love, safety, sex, purpose, meaning, family, etc.) you can then begin to make real steps towards building what you value within your life. It's not ever going to be easy, and it's socially damaging to reject the illusions of society, but it will give you more fulfilment than chasing that dragon ever can. You cannot change the external facts of your situation until you have the skills and knowledge to do so. You cannot find happiness unless you know what you truly want. You need to raise your level of self- and other- awareness, and then make the changes in behaviour you need to match the information you reveal.

The first step is to start improving yourself, once you have that understanding of what needs to be improved. Then the next steps will become obvious as you find the niches and leverages where you can apply your improved ability. And those actions will not be the same as the ones you imagine now, before you start this journey of understanding. Only the truth can set you free, friend.

 

[remember_summer_days]

Ignoring OP a bit but... I've always wondered what having no contact with a whole gender does to your brain. Like women who never interacted with males and viceversa. That has to have some observable effects when you grow up, right?

 

[Mеченый Яков]

Ignoring OP a bit but... I've always wondered what having no contact with a whole gender does to your brain. Like women who never interacted with males and viceversa. That has to have some observable effects when you grow up, right?

There is a meme about it.

 

[remember_summer_days]

There is a meme about it.
View attachment 51383

The dude from that pic had a sister though. But his story wasnt an anime so no incest

 

[Mеченый Яков]

The dude from that pic had a sister though. But his story wasnt an anime so no incest

I never felt more dissapointed because of sentence in my entire life.

 

[remember_summer_days]

What no gf does to mfs

 

[Taleisin]

What no gf does to mfs

View attachment 51388

I got a gf shortly after joining agora, and we bonded over Lain. So my N=1 study disagrees and says that agora = gf

 

[Xovi]

Ignoring OP a bit but... I've always wondered what having no contact with a whole gender does to your brain. Like women who never interacted with males and viceversa. That has to have some observable effects when you grow up, right?

i think it depends on how they are raised, because there is a priest who has never seen a woman once in his life in mount athos; and they say he was pretty cool. But he was raised by good people and in a holy church, so its a very specific example of that question.

 

[deepfreeze]

It is also deeply unhelpful (to say the least) that all mainstream discourse around this topic comes from living soyjacks who insist that men's real problem is that they are not enough like women and write disgusting trash like this. Not a single sentence acknowledging the possibility that young men might have real problems and needs that aren't being met, or that the world is pathologizing fundamental male traits like competition and aggression, or that they could be helped with just a little tutelage. No, these young men are fundamentally broken psychos that must be hunted down and locked up before they inevitably become killers and if that distresses you then you're just afraid of women's rights or some bullshit. Without anyone else to listen to it's no surprise that kids like OP fall prey to red/blackpill bullshit.

 

[deepfreeze]

I never felt more dissapointed because of sentence in my entire life.

O...Onii-chan...

 

[shinobu]

I got a gf shortly after joining agora, and we bonded over Lain. So my N=1 study disagrees and says that agora = gf

Hey, it may be N=1 but you didn't do any p-hacking so I trust your study more than many others