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LONELINESS THREAD

ECHETLAEUS

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A large percentage of men remain on the sidelines, indifferent to the female population, indifferent groups, boring discussions, moderate habits. Women have much fewer bouts of loneliness because all the attention is rightly on them. In this thread you can talk about your loneliness, about the causes of loneliness, about coping methods and habits and the way of life that will free the lonely man from the labyrinth of loneliness. You can talk and catch up, do whatever you need to so you don't feel alone for a while. A man's nature is to be a warrior and to be able to stand on his own.Without saying that relaxation is bad, the western way of life has made men soft and unable to resist problems by not having limits. The only one you can help yourself, is you, awaken your inner warrior. You can write everything you want about this subject here. You are all important guys, you are all unique, you can just discover your uniqueness digging deep in you. Love yall.
STAND STRONG.
 
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koreatis

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You are right, it is a problem but I think it is not only about men but the whole population. Actually I have to agree that the problem is harder for me. Even though we are connected all the time, it doesn't give the same feeling like face to face encounters so the loneliness hit even harder because everything looks like is so close to us but in the end it shows us how far are we of each other. I am a bit emotional type of guy and I love people especially my closest friends. Lately I have discovered in my self that I love talking to people and even meeting new people which sounds weird because I am introvert. What I love the most is the process of getting to know new people, talking deeply about oneself and making meaningful relationships. That's why I feel sometimes so lonely when I can't talk to someone about deep stuff, you know talking online isn't the same, I have to feel the vibe, see the face and the emotions people shows. I guess that's who I am and I can't do much about it. I have to derive the pleasure from the loneliness and despair. My approach to forget about the loneliness are books, nature, physical activity. The walks in the forest can do some magic, my thoughts about life and world are so clear and it calms me down. In terms of books, I can mentally escape to another dimensions and feel the connections with the words and the world of particular book and I think everyone knows what physical activity means for man, so I don't have to describe it. I would like to try new activities like hunting or fishing but I am completely newbie and I would have to find somebody to learn me doing this stuff. Yeah someone would say, you can learn it on your own but I would like to learn take part in these activities with someone to forget about the lonely time. So I have to do the hard things because what's the point to exist when you do nothing, with such approach the best thing to do is just be death.
 

ECHETLAEUS

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I also find solace in books when I feel lonely, I need a girl companion, deep discussions and romantic dialogues, i dont want only sex i want love, but when everything isnt going my way, im in war mode, in this forum I find solace when I share my thoughts and especially when the thoughts are quite good.
 
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-SteampunkTraveler-

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The more I am around anyone, The more I get lonely and Isolated.
 
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ECHETLAEUS

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The more I am around anyone, The more I get lonely and Isolated.
I have also some days that i isolate myself, being alone is something necessary for your growth and mature, but being lonely is painfull, just be in the nature every day if you can.
 
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Sleepyhead

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I get lonely. Big surprise, right? Still, it's not something I admit very often.

Nobody thinks of me as a friend without caveat. I've never had a girlfriend, or even felt the need to pursue that kind of relationship. People like it when I talk to them, but it gets tiring and I don't know how to make opportunities to meet up and catch up with people to get a proper bond. It seems like my options in conversation are either to discuss something utterly superficial or try and explain the things I think about only to be misunderstood entirely. I'm scared of being misunderstood.
My inhibitions hold me back. I've heard the adages, I know the proper advice for this situation well enough that I can give it. Still, I don't let myself open up! I assume I'll be misunderstood before I open my mouth. I should have more faith in my intelligence. I've figured out lots of things, I should be able to figure out the right words to explain something. I should have more faith in the intelligence of others. People are plenty smart. Besides, practice makes perfect. It might be slow to start, but I'll find a way to express myself.
Or maybe, there's nothing to explain. I don't think about anything, I don't think at all. I just try to trick myself into believing I'm a thoughtful person, but I'm not. It's proven whenever I try to open my mouth, because nothing falls out but vaguely poetic nonsense. I might as well be making it all up on the spot, reinventing myself whenever I'm asked a question.

I get lonely.
 

Itubaino

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It's even worse when you feel that you are getting overtaken by everyone in life, all your old friends are achieving everything you always dreamed about, yes, you feel extremely happy for them but there will always an evil spark in the depths of your heart that will say to you that you deserved the same or even more.

Then you start blaming yourself or your upbringing, childhood or anything in your power to escape the sole responsibility of bettering yourself and when you recognize and try, the first thing to go wrong makes you repeat the cycle of guilt to make you risk everything with someone being a kind of salvation or self-isolate once and for all, all this accompanied by a tendency to abuse drugs of all kinds from the consumption of sugar, caffeine, alcohol and synthetic drugs to addictions such as pornography, gambling and violence.

You try to relive in your memory moments when you felt truly happy and you revisit the places where they happened, your old school, the place of the first "I love you" and you cry as you remember everything you ever felt emanating from you and you focus on one place but it's not the end of the line for now, you dream and hope that someday, sometime and at some moment everything will go back to being pure and innocent, you will cultivate and give all the love you been guarded for so much time and that when that same moment arrives you will finally feel an unparalleled satisfaction.

Remember, everyone deserves to be loved as your own brother.
 
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ECHETLAEUS

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It's even worse when you feel that you are getting overtaken by everyone in life, all your old friends are achieving everything you always dreamed about, yes, you feel extremely happy for them but there will always an evil spark in the depths of your heart that will say to you that you deserved the same or even more.

Then you start blaming yourself or your upbringing, childhood or anything in your power to escape the sole responsibility of bettering yourself and when you recognize and try, the first thing to go wrong makes you repeat the cycle of guilt to make you risk everything with someone being a kind of salvation or self-isolate once and for all, all this accompanied by a tendency to abuse drugs of all kinds from the consumption of sugar, caffeine, alcohol and synthetic drugs to addictions such as pornography, gambling and violence.

You try to relive in your memory moments when you felt truly happy and you revisit the places where they happened, your old school, the place of the first "I love you" and you cry as you remember everything you ever felt emanating from you.
and you focus on one place but it's not the end of the line for now, you dream and hope that someday, sometime and sometime everything will go back to being pure and innocent, you will cultivate and give all the love you been guarded and that when that same moment arrives you will finally feel an unparalleled satisfaction.

Remember, everyone deserves to be loved as your own brother.
Its not the end yet my friend, three years before i had the sick belief: im useless im junk, i let everyone made me wrong, i let toxic behaviors with a smile, i had the belief, everyones laughing with me, i was wrong. In the end i understood that everyones having shit in their life, but some people are better actors hiding it or reliefing by breaking out in others. You cant solve a problem with sugar, drugs or cigars, porn and other shallow pleasures. First of, you really have depression from the moment you really believe you have. Personally i fought my anger and depression with abstinence and working out, creating rules also help you fight some feelings and creating a better mindset. I believe the problem isnt to get a friend or a girlfriend, the problem is that our fantasies of the ideal situations with the ideal people having special conversations and having sweet times sweeten us and holded us in our mind forgeting to live in present. Stay strong player, youll soon find the answers and the path to solve your problems.
 
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ECHETLAEUS

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Yesterday i was in the mountain, i ended a workout in a near calisthenics park and i took the path back to my home. I was tired of the last days overthinking and i did half of my training, lungs had the half capacity i had in my best performance days. I took a path very dense with trees thinking of ways to deal with it. For some mysterious reason, many problems have been solved as I walk in the forest alone, many answers came from nowhere whne i was in the trees. Where do I want to end up? No one wants you because no one is like you, don't look for respect from people who don't even respect themselves, God puts the hardest tests on his best fighters, and the devil when he surrounds you and doesn't leave you easily by giving you temptations, you are you doing something right. Being alone is not bad, all heroes in mythology fought most of their monsters alone.
 
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Requiem_for_the_Truth

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I broke up with my gf last October and after a toxic cycle of hooking up with others and each other, I did something I shouldn't have and ultimately she decided to fully end contact. I now have only felt pain and sadness since. I pretend with the friends I have that it doesn't bother me. I have some good friends and am generally ok socially, but now I just think I have traded away a girl who would have literally done anything to stay with me and loved me intensely for nothing. I have never felt so alone and can't get over how things ended. I know it sounds pathetic because it is, but I just see how things are dating-wise for lots of people and I'm afraid I'll never find someone like her again. I don't struggle all that much with girls tbh, I've been with other girls since, but I just don't want to be condemned to forever thinking about how things could've been. :PepeHands:
 
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Is it true, am I in the right place? Is this Lonely Men Anonymous? Glad to be in the right place,

Last Sunday I went out, with a sort of forced smile that probably looked more like a grin with my, with my book club whom I hadn't interacted since October 2021 to the final day of Costa Rica's book festival. I didn't want to go but I asked my mom about it and she thought I should go. So I went. In the past, I've missed a few of these social-membership affirming get-togethers and then feel guilty like I was missing a mandatory college class. And I went and the whole thing was more or less a mess and not the fun kind, at least not for me. It's hard to keep a group organized when it is made up of thirty people.

I promised myself I would at least make a new friend from going out with the thirty-something people group. I barely talked to anyone, except when we all sat down to eat. We had small chatter, but nothing that made me feel part of something, nothing that made me believe I was in a comfortable place. My socialization mission was a failure. But I did buy more books that I can realistically read.

After the thing ended, I didn't feel sad or anything, more like some sort of zen apathy. I just didn't care. Not in a tsundere sort of way, but rather I was happy. I thought this was just the high of buying shiny books about the Cold War in Costa Rica, the Holodomor, or interviews with teenage murderers. Surely when I slept on it I would feel terrible. I prayed on it and praying reminded me about my tween and teen-ish mission days. I met some cute gringas in there. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about my highschool and etc and how I missed the opportunity to make more friends or be part of the High School gf Teenage Love zenith of life memories people brag about. But that night, I realized I just didn't feel sad about that anymore. Kissing is gross anyways.

I'm not sure what changed, since this has been a year-long process, but right now I don't mind feeling lonely so much. I tried accepting that I'm probably a very dislikable person, that God made me the way I am, and that the people being friendly with you doesn't mean they are your friends. The last one took me a whole year to accept. And in a way this acceptance has made me feel way less lonely. I'm planning to go back to church this Sunday.

I think when you're lonely, you focus too much on making friends and appearing likable, but this only makes you feel more lonely because no one seems to fill that sadness-brimmed hole inside of your soul. All of this to say, the first step to overcoming loneliness, in a way, is to stop worrying that you are lonely.
 
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ECHETLAEUS

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That zen apathy it arises after a time of loneliness or other suffering, personally i love being apathy, that means no fear no anxiety no nothing. I love being stoic.
 
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ECHETLAEUS

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For the guys who been thinking suicide, im not someome to advice you but according to my past experiance with depression, and other issues, try cutting sad vibes music, when a sad or angry thought comes to mind, fight back with a positive one, when losing your focus and mind becomes foggy, just stay calm, ignore and insist holding yourself calm without doing anything. Cold showers helped me a lot with the anger and the anxiety just be careful. Also remember, God gives the hardest challenges to his best warriors. Its sad to end your story with that way, by surrendering, find your way out, one demon at a time, one step a day. Hope yall well. If you arent getting any love, think, God loves you, you arent a coincidence, upon conception you were the only one who prevailed among the remaining hundreds of millions of tiny life forms. Love yall.
 
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VaporwaveHistorian

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I live to say "fuck off" to the voice that tells me to kill myself. Hah, also there's a cat on campus that loves me.

Ever since I started college, shit's been so lonely. I don't know anyone in the classes and am too reluctant to strike up conversations. Pursuing a friendship with dormmates is hard because you already spend hella time with them, and most of them are just "When will you sleep? Can I turn the lights off? Could you be a little silent?" kind of stuff. This year, I am given a single-person dorm, which is as cramped as a jail cell and lonelier than ever.

Plus, there is the shame of being a cripple, hah. I feel everyone's eyes on me all the time. They recognize my walker more than they recognize my face. I used to walk the dark path to class to avoid humans. I overcame that, but I still can't go to the cafeteria because I can't carry the heavy tray when my hands are occupied with mobility aids. I don't want to ask for help every single day.

There is a professor, though. When I first became crippled, I ended up talking to him about it because I wasn't able to get to class at all. He invited me to his office, offered me all the help he could, and I visited his office once a week till the end of the semester just to chat. He was the first person who saw me as human, something beyond the defunct flesh and all. In return, I brought him little gifts each week. Plants I grew, snacks, food we both like, etc.

I am not the person to socialize face-to-face, I guess. But I sometimes write short stories, share little memories and stuff on the internet. There's always at least a few people who care. Plus, writing stories is a perfect way to understand who you truly are. Create a few characters from scratch, let them interact and develop their personalities. Soon you'll realize which parts of theirs are similar to you, and how you can love yourself better.

I probably derailed at some point, but I am pretty sleep deprived. Lol.
 
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I don't know how old you guys are. I was pretty lonely in my late teens, but things really turned around for me in my early 20s.

For me I grew up in a fairly remote area and moved into a bigger town for university. I tried really hard not to come off like a hillbilly and tried to act sophisticated and to fit in with sophisticated artsy people, but the fact of the matter is I am not a sophisticated artsy person and I was very lonely during this phase of my life. I am a nerdy hillbilly from a small town. I drive around in pickup trucks and do stuff like build sheds and patios and fences and grow food for myself, but I also have an extensive retro games collection and I'm pretty into to science fiction. That's who I am. I'm not this sensitive artistic fellow who likes to go see Shakeaspeare productions. It felt like when I did a hard turn into who I actually am, I did a lot better with women and friends in general. I stopped pretending to like books and movies and theatre shows I never really cared for but only pretended to be into to try and makes friends and meet women at university. I never did end up banging those sophisticated artsy chicks, but I did well with women from working class backgrounds and those from rural areas like myself. To be honest, I don't think I ever wanted those artsy chicks to begin with. I always wanted kids and a family and always would have been better off with an uncomplicated, unpretentious woman from a working class background who's also into nerdy shit like myself, than someone who was totally dellusional and saw themself as a full-time theatre actress.
 
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I don't know how old you guys are. I was pretty lonely in my late teens, but things really turned around for me in my early 20s.

For me I grew up in a fairly remote area and moved into a bigger town for university. I tried really hard not to come off like a hillbilly and tried to act sophisticated and to fit in with sophisticated artsy people, but the fact of the matter is I am not a sophisticated artsy person and I was very lonely during this phase of my life. I am a nerdy hillbilly from a small town. I drive around in pickup trucks and do stuff like build sheds and patios and fences and grow food for myself, but I also have an extensive retro games collection and I'm pretty into to science fiction. That's who I am. I'm not this sensitive artistic fellow who likes to go see Shakeaspeare productions. It felt like when I did a hard turn into who I actually am, I did a lot better with women and friends in general. I stopped pretending to like books and movies and theatre shows I never really cared for but only pretended to be into to try and makes friends and meet women at university. I never did end up banging those sophisticated artsy chicks, but I did well with women from working class backgrounds and those from rural areas like myself. To be honest, I don't think I ever wanted those artsy chicks to begin with. I always wanted kids and a family and always would have been better off with an uncomplicated, unpretentious woman from a working class background who's also into nerdy shit like myself, than someone who was totally dellusional and saw themself as a full-time theatre actress.
Idk why but I love the idea of the 'artsy gf'. Though the ones I've met... Proved to me that you gotta be careful to fall in love with the idea of love rather than earnestly seek love itself.
 
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I live to say "fuck off" to the voice that tells me to kill myself. Hah, also there's a cat on campus that loves me.

Ever since I started college, shit's been so lonely. I don't know anyone in the classes and am too reluctant to strike up conversations. Pursuing a friendship with dormmates is hard because you already spend hella time with them, and most of them are just "When will you sleep? Can I turn the lights off? Could you be a little silent?" kind of stuff. This year, I am given a single-person dorm, which is as cramped as a jail cell and lonelier than ever.

Plus, there is the shame of being a cripple, hah. I feel everyone's eyes on me all the time. They recognize my walker more than they recognize my face. I used to walk the dark path to class to avoid humans. I overcame that, but I still can't go to the cafeteria because I can't carry the heavy tray when my hands are occupied with mobility aids. I don't want to ask for help every single day.

There is a professor, though. When I first became crippled, I ended up talking to him about it because I wasn't able to get to class at all. He invited me to his office, offered me all the help he could, and I visited his office once a week till the end of the semester just to chat. He was the first person who saw me as human, something beyond the defunct flesh and all. In return, I brought him little gifts each week. Plants I grew, snacks, food we both like, etc.

I am not the person to socialize face-to-face, I guess. But I sometimes write short stories, share little memories and stuff on the internet. There's always at least a few people who care. Plus, writing stories is a perfect way to understand who you truly are. Create a few characters from scratch, let them interact and develop their personalities. Soon you'll realize which parts of theirs are similar to you, and how you can love yourself better.

I probably derailed at some point, but I am pretty sleep deprived. Lol.
Some college professors can make your life hell, but heck I'm so grateful for having met some excellent ones. I had a similar experience to yours with an art teacher, she's a good friend now and we talk from time to time, I can't believe how kind and patient she has been with me. I suck at drawing, but her motivation has brought me a looong way since.

As for writing, I also sort of use it as therapy. I used to sort of do the same with roleplaying, hence why I think I got blacklisted from fire emblem groups xddd. But nowadays I write (Or mostly outline tbh) short stories or fanfictions, and they help me a great deal with my mental health. Though I tend to procrastinate them because I'm afraid of them in a weird 'this will show how depraved I truly am' sort of way, plus fear of ridicule and failure. The usual

I have a voice that tells me to kill myself very often, like when I remember cringy shit I did years ago or my life failures in general. At first, it started like some sort of ironic inside joke with myself, but after a couple of years of having this voice, it has definitely taken a toll on my emotional state and I can't get rid of it. Nowadays, every time I hear it, I try to reply to it with 'God loves me' ....
 
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koreatis

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I have a voice that tells me to kill myself very often, like when I remember cringy shit I did years ago or my life failures in general. At first, it started like some sort of ironic inside joke with myself, but after a couple of years of having this voice, it has definitely taken a toll on my emotional state and I can't get rid of it. Nowadays, every time I hear it, I try to reply to it with 'God loves me' ....
That's some interesting approach to escape the voice. I have mine too or should I say it is another soul inside my head. To be honest I don't know how to describe it but be simple it is just the voice. So what I would like to know is how did you come up to tell yourself that "God loves you"? You know I search for something that I can hold on to for myself. I gonna say that I am rational and God is dead but I am not sure about it and I think it doesn't help me as well to switch my mentality in this direction. I have to say that I have family but unfortunately they fucked me up when I was child and now I am so lost that I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I have lovely friends and I might be able to form some relationship with the woman that I am so into her but she is also as strange as I and because of that we have no idea how to be with each other in the future. Even though I find it so hard to believe that anyone might worry about me. Despite I fucking care about others so deeply but I don't show it external. I just want to find someone that doesn't care about the mainstream shit and with whom I can live simple life.
 

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