Mental Health Issues, Delusion, and Paranoia - Agorans, what's your experience?

[ArsMoriendi]

Welcome, Agorafrens, to a pretty gnarly thread. If it's considered to be inappropriate, then please let me know and I'll amend or remove it. For the most part, though, I think it's useful to discuss these things.

I have had in the past quite intense delusions that terrible things were about to befall me, and that they were immanent. Put into perspective, all are ridiculous, and possibly have their origins in my experiences at school (or Asperger's lol), but I always found ways to justify their supposed reality and thus work myself into an unbearable condition worse than the thing itself.

For example, I started to feel chest pains one day during Lockdown. I later came to realise these were the result of heartburn, but at the time I became infatuated with idea of something being wrong with my heart. After that, every moment for about two weeks was spent waiting to suddenly drop dead in abject terror. Then, one day, it stopped. Not my heart - but the delusion - ceased, and my life just ticked over as always. An experience that I must say was extremely unpleasant, not just for me, but for everyone who had to put up with it.

It's manifested in various other ways too. The idea that I've 'accidentally' committed a serious crime (and the Police will raid me for it), that spooks are watching me and laying traps for me to permanently ruin my life, and that certain voices in my head must be obeyed - by performing petty tasks - or said spooks really will do something pernicious this time. All just nauseating for me and everyone around me.

I can sit here and tell you I'm perfectly healthy, and that I'm very much a law-abiding citizen with no intention to harm a soul. But certain ideas just take hold in the mind and make it a nightmare to so much as breathe, all for things you know aren't real and never will be. It all comes down to a certain narcissism, I suppose - this idea that everyone's out to get you. But it's insanely destructive no matter which way you look at it.

So, Agorapals - what are your experiences with paranoid or delusional thinking? If you suffer from it, what do you do to get over it? Personally speaking, exercise and cooking ground me. And PS - this does not make me a schizoposter!

 

[HMQuanstrom]

Welcome, Agorafrens, to a pretty gnarly thread. If it's considered to be inappropriate, then please let me know and I'll amend or remove it. For the most part, though, I think it's useful to discuss these things.

I have had in the past quite intense delusions that terrible things were about to befall me, and that they were immanent. Put into perspective, all are ridiculous, and possibly have their origins in my experiences at school (or Asperger's lol), but I always found ways to justify their supposed reality and thus work myself into an unbearable condition worse than the thing itself.

For example, I started to feel chest pains one day during Lockdown. I later came to realise these were the result of heartburn, but at the time I became infatuated with idea of something being wrong with my heart. After that, every moment for about two weeks was spent waiting to suddenly drop dead in abject terror. Then, one day, it stopped. Not my heart - but the delusion - ceased, and my life just ticked over as always. An experience that I must say was extremely unpleasant, not just for me, but for everyone who had to put up with it.

It's manifested in various other ways too. The idea that I've 'accidentally' committed a serious crime (and the Police will raid me for it), that spooks are watching me and laying traps for me to permanently ruin my life, and that certain voices in my head must be obeyed - by performing petty tasks - or said spooks really will do something pernicious this time. All just nauseating for me and everyone around me.

I can sit here and tell you I'm perfectly healthy, and that I'm very much a law-abiding citizen with no intention to harm a soul. But certain ideas just take hold in the mind and make it a nightmare to so much as breathe, all for things you know aren't real and never will be. It all comes down to a certain narcissism, I suppose - this idea that everyone's out to get you. But it's insanely destructive no matter which way you look at it.

So, Agorapals - what are your experiences with paranoid or delusional thinking? If you suffer from it, what do you do to get over it? Personally speaking, exercise and cooking ground me. And PS - this does not make me a schizoposter!

Hi!

Dread and paranoia, I can empathize with these sorts of things. Rather than spout a long list off, I think it might be better to give an example.

When I was younger I thought the walls were moving. I'd see colors and shapes and hear things, and was filled with dread that things or people were out to get me. Hiding in wait behind doors, only being prevented if I did certain tasks. It got worse, of course, and rather than seek help I let it fester until it got to a really bad point where I knew if I didn't do something I'd forever be caught up in it. So, I found a dark room in my house, locked the door, laid down in the middle of it, and waited. For me, it was either something would happen or I'd prove to myself that it wasn't real. I waited for a while, and funnily enough the the fear and determination gave way to boredom. So, I got up and left, and I did it on my own terms.

I'm not a professional, far from it, but I saw your post and wanted to respond. Hope this helps!

 

[ArsMoriendi]

All of this relies on 'what if?' For example, in the crime-based delusions, I will have terrible dreams of having done something that's made me a wanted man. I'll wake up and go 'what the Hell, that makes no sense, I'm not a gangster/crook/spy', but that won't stop me from thinking the spooks are after me for the dream-crime. And once they're there, they're everywhere.

This is then going to result in a spiral of not sleeping or eating for a while. A really hideous way to live, made all the worse by your ability to explain why it doesn't make any sense, but your inability to get out of it. I know delusions of being followed and investigated are pretty common manifestations of psychosis. I don't know what you call this, but it's debilitating.

OCD is very much a co-factor in these things. Getting told to repeat something until it's 'made right' or whatever.

Thank you for the reply. I understand this is a sensitive topic, but I've found in conversation that it's surprisingly common.