call me bun
- May 24, 2022
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Made it to page 3 before I just stopped reading the replies. I hate it when people go into stuff like this with an already pre-made mindset and do everything they can to force the conversation that way even if people tell them that that's not what's going on. Anyways whatever.
I think the problem really is more fundamental than having a physical father. I think it's very clear that there are not too many good role models for men but I would also argue there's not to many good role models for women either. And there certainly aren't any good role models for men and women interacting. I have 5 sisters and 0 brothers so it was actually more difficult for me to relate to men but I found a group of very close friends in college that helped me understand my own gender. Like eris said, it really does take a village. We are shaped by many people in our lives, not just our parents. I feel like if you try your best as a parent and show your child that you really do love them, that's about the best you can do. None of us are perfect and we will mess up but that doesn't mean we should stop trying or that we shouldn't bring kids into the world. On the topic of community though, that as well is pretty much gone from our society and to me, that's my biggest fear for my future children. As for the LGBT stuff, I really can't say. I have only ever encountered one person who was raised by a same sex couple and it was just a random classmate in college that I never interacted with. I forget who said it in this thread but I think things would be clearer in general if you found someone you want to marry first (simple and easy task for sure) and then go from there as to whether you want kids with them. Sorry if this was all over the place but I wanted to touch on a lot of points. I think these sorts of questions are a very important thing to ask yourself but I would also say to not worry too much about it. The steps forward for having kids will be much more apparent when you find someone you want to live with for your whole life and questions that only cause vague worries now will instead give you concrete steps. I really wish you the best of luck, Aral, it's very admirable what you're doing hereI'm a bit young for that (in our current era, since in 1975 people were having their first kid at my age), but I'm thinking about raising a family someday. I don't know if it'll ever come to fruition, but the desire is here. I'm definitely not planning on spending my life alone anyway, despite the supposed "freedom" and "empowerment" of being a single childless woman. But the issue is, I'd want my kids to have an actual father figure. I didn't really have one, myself, and there's plenty of evidence suggesting that kids without a father figure fare well worse in childhood like in adulthood, so I wouldn't want to impose that on my kids.
Problem is, I can't see myself marrying a man. The smell of testosterone doesn't turn me on, and I even quite dislike it. Very rarely does a man pass by and his perfume-free smell doesn't smell bad to me, and if that's the case, it's 100% of the time an old man. It makes sense, as testosterone levels decrease with age. I can't see myself going to bed with a man and waking up in that smell of testosterone, or having a man touch me this way. I can't even say "oh Aral, just get a trans woman", because those people are biologically male still. The smell doesn't lie. You can take all the hormones you'd like, your chromosomes stay XX or XY if we don't count the occasional intersex. Raising children with a woman is possible, but where's the father figure? Is it even natural for two people of the same sex to raise a child? I wouldn't mind being a stepmother, especially if the kid has a dad, but... I'm already afraid of fucking up any kid I would pop out by potentially being emotionally/psychologically abusive and not realizing it, what if the kid just doesn't have all that is required to grow up right and to become a well-adjusted adult? I don't want to go the single mother route, especially since I wouldn't want just one kid, but two relatively close in age, or twins. I think it's better for a child to have two parents, a mother figure and a father figure, like it should be. Not to mention the family unit is being purposely destroyed and I refuse to take part in this destruction.
It's so complicated for me whenever I think about raising a family because of that. No husband, a wife, but then how about the kids' development? How about their future? Their mental health in a world that's growing more and more chaotic by the day? And what if neither me nor my wife can stay at home and raise the kids? It's just such a clusterfuck. The right way to do things would be for me to find some guy to marry, have kids, and voila. But if the parents clearly don't love each other, or worse, if it's an unrequited love situation, that gives the shittiest example possible to kids, also. The damn thing is so complicated for me that I have trouble even making a coherent paragraph. Too stream-of-consciousness, I need to be more organized.
What would you think about same-sex parenting? Do you think that kids can grow up well-adjusted with two parents of the same sex, provided they're happy and well taken care of?
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