Short Horror Story: A Knight Goes to McDonald's

[Midwest]

Prompt: You are a lone knight, wandering the aimless unknown, when you come across the McDonald's on Owen Rd in Fenton, Michigan (the one on the same street as the Tim Horton's).
You: A simple knight sent to slay the monster of Alderon and free the princess
Age: 33
Sex: Yes Male
--
You sit down after you purchase your meal with the remaining gold you have in your coin bag. Those last two gold coins were all that you had, but you were famished - and at this point, anything would suffice if it could revive you of your energy. It was getting dark, and you figured after this meal was finished you would light a fire and get some rest so you may continue your journey. You open the bag in front of you and take a whiff of the freshly cooked McChicken and small fry, "I've heard legends of the god Ronald McDonald and have never prayed to him - but without even a taste of this meal I am convinced he must be a great among them all!" You begin to devour your meal, savoring every bite with immense pleasure. You've never tasted something so good back in your village - how envious your wife would be to know she could never cook something as delectable as the talented chefs in this restaurant. "They must have cooked for a king - or a god!" You think to yourself.
Suddenly, you feel a disturbance rise in the bottom of your pits. A demonic, evil presence starts to take over your body from the inside! You take a hold of your stomach as the pain begins to spread throughout. "By the gods! What is happening to me?!" With haste, you rush yourself to the nearest lavatory. Taking your shield, you barge the door down, granting yourself access to the toilet. You gasp in horror upon entering the stall, eyes holding back tears - this was no ordinary place of rest, for the smell evoked memories of rotting corpses! A monster must have left one of his victim's here to rot!
"No matter!" You think triumphantly. You've braved war, you've conquered nations with your king at your side - this - this is just a test of the spirit! You puffed up your chest and pulled down your trousers, seating yourself on the toilet. Once more, you can feel the monster's mighty roar inside you - this time attacking you from behind! "Foul beast - have at you!" You push with all your strength, holding on to the nearest metal bar by your side. Sweat begins to fall from your brow as the demon begins to escape. It is just you and the stank of your unwashed swamp ass. "Monster!" You cry. "I shall vanquish you to the pits of Hades!" However, the brown beast turns around and slithers its way back up the filthy cave it came out of.
You take your sword and attempt to slash at it, but the sword barely scratches the monster's head. Instead, it smears itself on to your cheeks. "Damn sphincter! All this training and you refuse to listen to my commands!" You try to reach for some toilet paper - but to your horror there is none left! Who would steal bandages for healing wounds? There's nothing you can do now, you gave it all your strength, now you must pray. You clasp your hands and pray with all your might to all the gods you can think of: Zeus, Apollo, The bears from the Charmin Ultra Strong commercials.
Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door. "Ay man, are you done in there! Some of us gotta take a piss!"
"Begone!" You bark at the stranger. "Begone, before I strike you down!"
"Okay, fine!" You can hear him mumble some foreign curses to himself as he leaves your presence.
The mess has become unbearable. The brown stains have smeared from the crease of your buttocks to your fingers. What were once white walls were now stained with the marks of the beast. The odor had become so strong that you could feel yourself becoming light-headed. You could feel the end draw near. Your eyes begin to grow heavy as your senses are overwhelmed, your body becoming as feeble as a lamb but as heavy as a lion. The sky opens, and a man with red face paint and a yellow-striped suit appears before you. "Well done, my child."

 

[Batoros]

Sex: NO

Sir Leo Roxalan felt his weary armoured feet sinking into the snow beneath. Though it wasn't deep, it was the hardest going he had experienced in his life. Jean was numb from head to toe, except where the orcish spear had pierced his mail shirt, and gushing blood warmed the hand desperately stuck trying to end its flow. Leo's shield lay shattered somewhere far behind him, of no use to the shadow now limping under the light of the full moon peeking through the clouds. He had to keep going. Leo had sworn that his love for Elodie was stronger than death,
"I vow...
I vow...
I vow..."
Over and over, he repeated the words he said to her father the King, words he could barely hear even in the silence of the night. Each time, the voice was weaker and his eyelids heavier, but this would not stop Leo. He could see the trees getting bigger, which meant he was closer and closer to Elodie...

Leo was awoken from sleep by the caress of snowflakes on his cheek,
"By God's wounds, my own are healed! The pain has stopped though behold, the grisly sight, I was injured sore not long ago."
The knight struggled to his feet and took a look around.
"If I had been found by any but a forest nymph, I would surely have been slain. Could it be that in my state, a kindly spirit took control and led me thus to this strange land of Alderon? Verily, I have never seen its like before. My back aches, no doubt the work of this sorcerous stone road, whose smoothness belies its discomfort. Lo and look! Buildings made as if by human hands, yet lit by fairy flame. Bah! Disregard the wonders rare before your sinful eyes, Leo! Elodie awaits!"
Though it seems he had left the shadow of death, his legs still resisted his commands to move yet move they must and move they did.

The road stretched on and on before him, as straight as if it were placed by miracle and wide enough to accomodate fifty mounted knights side by side. The moon was as bright as he remembered, though it was drowned by the coloured glows emanating from his right side and the staggered pillars bathing him in harsh white light. Leo stopped and stared. A sound like thunder rumbled ahead of him, rapidly getting louder. Its source soon came into view, another blinding light which screeched past his left side and disappeared off into the dark as abruptly as it had appeared,
"Another surprise, this one far more menacing. I am loathe to say it, but I fear this may not be Alderon at all but something far far worse. Could that have been a lost soul hurtling through the realm of gods? I see no living man about me, will I wander all alone until all vestige of my being is gone, and I become another light to guide the dead into perdition?"

His fears proved to be little more than paranoia, for one particular house stood out, one marked by two golden arches. Leo couldn't say what exactly drew his eyes towards it, but he could see people inside. Strangely dressed, perhaps in the matter of Alderon, but humans nonetheless...
sorry i need to sleep now DESU