The Minecraft Movie

[15horses]

I knew they were making a Minecraft movie, but I thought it was cancelled or just shelved, oh boy was I wrong...

Again, it's just another stupid movie made for stupid kids to profit out of merchandise and internet's reaction, it's nothing new really and if your reaction is really that alarming: you have "Peter Pan syndrome" and need terapy urgently.

The funnyiest thing for me is just how much this looks like a parody, or something that looks like it's made to be absurd and laughable. To be honest, considering we live in a clown society, I wouldn't be surprised if this film was made like this on purpose to profit out of Internet's crazy reaction, just like how it happened to that Black Velma series.

 

[☯змія☯]

I expected the movie to be like the update trailers mixed with a narrative like minecraft story mode combined with the lego movie or something akin of your average videogame movie for kids (example the super mariano movie), minecraft had an untapped potential for narratives because of its sandbox nature, you can BUILD your own stories so anything could have worked as long as fits into a congruent artstyle.

And yet, they just give us jumanji 4: jack black strikes again. (seriously, how the fuck this guy manages to get into a jungle/wilderness movie every single time)

 

[☯змія☯]

The thing from the trailer that gets me is that the plot is the exact same one of Jumanji movie with Rock the Johnson Dwayne. Real actors and brats get transported to videogame world that they have to survive and escape while meeting person that got stuck there years before them and JackBlack was in both!

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QKg5SZ_35I

lmao haven't seen your comment, yeah since i saw the trailer i was like "dude, this is just jumanji, wtf"

 

[turntableToothache]

The thing from the trailer that gets me is that the plot is the exact same one of Jumanji movie with Rock the Johnson Dwayne. Real actors and brats get transported to videogame world that they have to survive and escape while meeting person that got stuck there years before them and JackBlack was in both!

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QKg5SZ_35I

You really think Hollywood would just do that? Copy their own homework like the last three times they did this?

I expected the movie to be like the update trailers mixed with a narrative like minecraft story mode combined with the lego movie or something akin of your average videogame movie for kids (example the super mariano movie), minecraft had an untapped potential for narratives because of its sandbox nature, you can BUILD your own stories so anything could have worked as long as fits into a congruent artstyle.

And yet, they just give us jumanji 4: jack black strikes again. (seriously, how the fuck this guy manages to get into a jungle/wilderness movie every single time)

Keep in mind this movie has to compete with over a decade of Youtube animated series, let's plays, machinimas that are all way more appealing, unique and better capture the essence of the game than whatever this is does, and that you can watch them all right now for free.

View: https://youtu.be/1P5LBw2fdAg?si=--BSt6yhlCf2gtyc


View: https://youtu.be/gZ9lNZrNhwQ?si=BooHcy4YbtY7Opk2


View: https://youtu.be/SBjkQvQv8CU?si=IQ7nSjJXLqEjNcYX


View: https://youtu.be/PuZR6VKfV88?si=Dr0FGlssyJ0lSvrn

https://youtu.be/anoO3K5vOEg?si=mJQbD-cwOHBU3VuS
There are also decade old fan made trailers that look better than this, believe it or not.
https://youtu.be/G-cT2Dh0my0?si=f0FK-qmHqg-u-k83
If this slop cashgrab doesn't flop I'll be shocked.

 

[BlackControlBoxer]

This is 10 years too late.

 

[turntableToothache]

From the trailer description:

Welcome to the world of Minecraft, where creativity doesn't just help you craft, it's essential to one's survival! Four misfits—Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison (Momoa), Henry (Hansen), Natalie (Myers) and Dawn (Brooks)—find themselves struggling with ordinary problems when they are suddenly pulled through a mysterious portal into the Overworld: a bizarre, cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they'll have to master this world (and protect it from evil things like Piglins and Zombies, too) while embarking on a magical quest with an unexpected, expert crafter, Steve (Black). Together, their adventure will challenge all five to be bold and to reconnect with the qualities that make each of them uniquely creative...the very skills they need to thrive back in the real world.

I can see why Hollywood writers hate ChatGPT so much, their work is practically indistinguishable.

 

[Waninem]

From the trailer description:

I can see why Hollywood writers hate ChatGPT so much, their work is practically indistinguishable.

Can't say this is a glowing endorsement of ChatGPT if all it can do is a live action isekai.

 

[WKYK]

Now taking bets on which minecraft youtuber pedophile will make a guest appearance in the movie

 

[TrollKing]

@turntableToothache's description is far more entertaining than the trailer, and this is coming from a guy who refuses to watch this hot garbage.

 

[ビンス]

Now taking bets on which minecraft youtuber pedophile will make a guest appearance in the movie

DanTDM

 

[Vaporsleep]

Don't know how to write a story? Just isekai some randos into the world so everything can be explained to the audience who supposedly doesn't know anything about said world (best-selling game of all time btw)

I still can't believe they literally did the meme

 

[Hobo8240]

DanTDM

fooled me for a sec
off topic but that nigga really was the final nail in the coffin for roblox

 

[SolidStateSurvivor]

That trailer basically conveyed everything you need to know about the tone of this. This is going to be in the same vein as a Nu-SNL skit...have you ever watched that one where it's a Super Mario Bros court case sketch with Elon Musk? This trailer gives me the same vibe, and the same secondhand cringe. It's all written and created by this weird committee of people that frankly I am amazed are able to remain so out of touch with the concept of anything remotely comedic or creative.

I'm sure this was probably in some sort of production hell since they're years late to the trend, but why they didn't opt for making it an animated movie I have no idea. I was able to enjoy the FNAF movie because it at least treated the lore and tone earnestly, but this flick is going to be cynical and self-referential in the most grating ways. If the producers want to go that route can they at least try to be on-par with the live action Scooby-Doo movies or the Mike Myers Cat in the Hat?

The Michael Bay Skibidi Toilet movie is going to BTFO this shite.

 

[Orlando Smooth]

And yet, they just give us jumanji 4: jack black strikes again. (seriously, how the fuck this guy manages to get into a jungle/wilderness movie every single time)

What, you don't find the fat guy (the same one every time) with absurdly expressive body language surviving in the wilderness archetype funny? Maybe you should go back to school since you clearly don't understand the post Freudian hyper-realist metanouveau interpretation of the classic man vs. nature conflict structure and its implications of societies's ills.

---

I know people will say "it's for kids!" But so was A Land Before Time, The Mighty Ducks, and Time Bandits. There have always been bad kids movies, cash grabs, et cetera. But saying "it's for children" does not excuse the fact that it's still corporate slop made with a color palate straight out of Jojo Siwa's stage wardrobe and shots so short they make TikToks look like video essays. If anything we should hold children's content to the highest standards, since it inevitably influences their development.

Damn, I must really be getting old.

 

[Vaporsleep]

I know people will say "it's for kids!" But so was A Land Before Time, The Mighty Ducks, and Time Bandits. There have always been bad kids movies, cash grabs, et cetera. But saying "it's for children" does not excuse the fact that it's still corporate slop made with a color palate straight out of Jojo Siwa's stage wardrobe and shots so short they make TikToks look like video essays. If anything we should hold children's content to the highest standards, since it inevitably influences their development.

Damn, I must really getting old.

Doodley has an excellent video on this topic that sums up these thoughts:


View: https://youtu.be/u5cgll8v7iA?si=vauEjV0I45w3WWHn

 

[LostintheCycle]

Was anyone going to like the Minecraft Movie trailer in any scenario? Would it ever have been good enough?
Why should we care? I think caring about shit like this continues the implication that our culture is actually dictated by some entertainment overlords in suits, when their business really shouldn't even register on our radars.

 

[Andy Kaufman]

yeah but what if an overweight black woman said
aww hell naww!
in Minecraft?!

wouldn't THAT be funny xD?


(I wish great harm upon the creators)

 

[GothMonk]

The real Paul would have never signed the music rights to this slop. The CIA are winning again.

We must stay strong Beatlemaniacs. Keep Paul in your heart and memories and reject false idols.

 

[LostintheCycle]

My girlfriend forced me to watch this with her.
I already knew from this OP that it would include 'Magical Mystery Tour' and I thought "It'd be hilarious if they just had the song but added orchestral bits to it, that'd be so dumb"
mfw they made it sound literally exactly like what I had in my head

 

[BlackControlBoxer]

The fact that they gave jack black a blue shirt and said steve bothers me, they could get a random fat black lady but they couldn't get a mutt that actually looks like steve.