We all fail, we all make mistakes...

[<SIXX>]

Sitting in my room now, thinking of all the wrong ive done in my life. Im sad, and no not cuz of some stupid breakup, or losing that promotion to someone else.. My father, hes sick, i cant help but blame myself, hes going blind i have been such a horrible son. He means everything to me but i failed him as a son, it hurts so much to make eye contact bcuz i feel pain everytime i look at him. All ive ever done is stress my parents out, i cant help but feel i sped up the sickness, cuz of my fucking drug addiction, my selfishness, i dont want to lose him, im so scared. Hes in his 50's and just recently i manned up and am doing everything i can to make life easier for him. I feel so ashamed as a man and as a son. Im suppose to be a warrior and ive wasted so much time. All the money hes spent on me, threw away his 401k on me. I feel like ive robbed him of greatness. And as i sit here crying like the fucking twat i am all he ever tells me he wouldnt have changed a thing bcuz thats what a father is suppose to do. I made a promise to God, and have been sober now 6 months, and i now am more adult like rather than before where i felt as if i was stuck at 18 and never grew up. I will not lose my dad, not like this. Im writing this here bcuz i need to vent, not much people i trust. Hes my #1 Hero and god fucking dammit i will be his. I need to make him proud b4 he goes out. Hes by no means a rich man but he is a generous kind soul. We all fail, we all make mistakes.. its what makes us human. And ik he knows this. Maybe i dont understand, im not a father so i cannot relate to how he is still kind to me. But when i become one i will make sure to honor him. To think i let the world take me for a fool when my whole world was simply at home just trying to protect me. Anyways all i wanted to say. Done being a fuckup its selfish and if anyone should suffer it should be me... ironic bcuz i am suffering more than ever now. If any of you out there have a father a good one, cherish him plz. Not many men are like my father and tbh for me ive realized that is a blessing.

 

[Aral]

It's not your fault that he got sick or that he's going blind, unless you poisoned him, which doesn't seem to be the case. It's unfortunate, but as we age, our health declines...
Either way, I think an image will speak more words than I'll be able to:

 

[Legacy]

The hardest part of getting sober is confronting not only the reasons you stopped being sober, but everything you did while addicted. If you're used to escaping by using then it can be very overwhelming too. I think you are on the right path, and should continue to cherish your father and do what you can to support him. He's already forgiven you. Forgiving yourself will take some time, but you will get there one day.

 

[Lonely_Ghost]

You should stop being so hard on yourself. If you're sober and improving yourself then you're doing everything to fix this situation you're in.

 

[<SIXX>]

The hardest part of getting sober is confronting not only the reasons you stopped being sober, but everything you did while addicted. If you're used to escaping by using then it can be very overwhelming too. I think you are on the right path, and should continue to cherish your father and do what you can to support him. He's already forgiven you. Forgiving yourself will take some time, but you will get there one day.

Thank you for that someday hopefully soon i wont feel as bad

 

[<SIXX>]

It's not your fault that he got sick or that he's going blind, unless you poisoned him, which doesn't seem to be the case. It's unfortunate, but as we age, our health declines...
Either way, I think an image will speak more words than I'll be able to:

Thank you i honestly wish i was a natural hugger, im weird about smushy things like that but i commend those who can do it like nothing