Max Chill
Involuntary Hikikomori
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Tfw no khazar milkers to enjoy...I had a Jewish friend once.
It's a huge "what would have been" considering she was linked to several banks and was a very elite student.
To be honest, I think I would have lost her anyways, due to my rising extremist political beliefs
Like an interesting one? While for the most part out of my control, I might have moved to silicon valley when I was like 11, 12 maybe? My father got a job offer there because of a pretty weird coincidences from the past. He didn't go cause he didn't want to start life again and learn english in the end, but we all were thinking about it for a while.There comes a point where we were given opportunities to step up our lives but are under circumstances that alters our decision. What's your "What Could Have Been" in life?
I had almost the same experience, but it wasn't that bad for me, i did apply for public college and i easily passed the admition test, but my parents wanted to me to join a good college, so they sent me to a private college (the best one in my whole country), and when i did arrived, i felt like a stranger, look, i spent most of my life living in a ranch near a small town, even if i got internet from an early age, i wasn't "city folk" at all, and the first time i arrived to the city i felt weird, people in my college looked bourgeois as fuck, with expensive phones, clothes, mercedez bens, etc, spoiled kids from rich parents or european foreigners (my family isn't rich at all, but isn't poor either, just middle class enough to pay for that college), and i arrived at that place with a sombrero and some boots, a thrift shop field jacket (with a small pin of hatsune miku) and a chinese phone, i didn't have a car so i walk from my apartment to the university (because the bus route doesn't stop near my apartment), you know how much did i stand out in that place? I can describe my experience with an adage my country has "Como puta en un convento" (it is translated to "Like a whore in a convent") i felt so out of place, so i was kinda scared to interact with people, it didn't helped that at the time i lost a really close friend, so it was, a really rough experience, it was more than the aesthetics, was the feeling of being in an place in which you felt like an alien, is just weird, and not a good time overall.I studied film at my community college for three years and had a lot of potential. My classmates always liked my work, my professors mentored me because they expected highly of me, I was volunteering at filmmaking camps for high schoolers to help teach them the craft. I wasn't a Kubrick or anything like that, but I had an unpretentious and tongue in cheek style that my peers found unique. I applied to some of the best film schools in the country when my time their was up; I ended up deciding when transferring to study history instead, because my Plan B was to be a history teacher and figured I didn't need a film degree anyway. Those two years at university was definitely the biggest regret of my life. I worked at the on campus studio where I got to make my own show and stuff, but it all felt unsatisfying because I was studying something that I didn't even intend to be my life goal full time. Plus the school I went to was bougie and isolating because I couldn't find a social group to hang out with. I had plenty of friends in community college and high school, but being a middle class kid in goodwill clothes walking around a rich kid school got really isolating. A lot of the students there were rich foreigners and celebrity kids so it was a lot of BMWs, influencer clothes, and top of the line gadgets, meanwhile I'm there, a mopy goth transgirl, with a 15 year old car, a loud ass laptop I bought second hand, and messy hair. It wasn't fun and I dropped out right as the pandemic was looming, and spent a Brian Wilson-esque year laying in bed doing nothing. My passion left, I hated myself, my depression was spiraling out of control.
I really wish I would've gone to a different school and studied what I wanted. I applied to NYU, UCLA, Chapman, all the big guys and could've gone and met other passionate students and made even more art. But no, for some reason I decided to study for a teaching credential at a school I felt out of place at. Biggest mistake of my entire life, easily.
If it makes you feel any better, the other route is just as frustrating. I'm naturally gifted in the humanities and wanted to study history but I'm hitting my head against a brick wall studying statistics and economics to get a better job later on. I feel like killing myself every time I have to look at a probability distribution or do calculus.Not considering employment opportunities at all when it came to my undergraduate studies. I think choosing your field based on only earnings potential is lame but it literally wasn't a variable I accounted for. I enjoyed doing philosophy/political theory in both undergrad and grad school, but there are things I would have enjoyed equally as much which would offer better prospects. A lot of my friends now work in banking/swe/consulting and so forth, making $200k+ a year. A friend of mine who doesn't even have that desirable of a job working at a major Canadian bank got a $80k end-of-year bonus. I'll have good prospects when I graduate from law school in 2025, but only after another 3 years of school as well as the time I spent between now and getting my MA, mostly spent teaching. This isn't even mentioning the $100k I'll have in debt afterward, whereas I got my bachelors for free. I regret just taking a convoluted way of getting a corporate job over several more years when I could have just taken a commerce offer out of HS and be working in finance now. This also would mean I'd be able to save up money faster and fuck off out of the corporate world to do something else like start a business sooner.
Yeah, that's why I tried to stress it being a choice of other things I actually have an interest in or desire to do. I can see why forcing yourself into something more lucrative but that you enjoy less is a struggle. I would have been equally as happy studying CS or commerce at the major Canadian unis where finance and consulting are the main outcomes (Ivey+Rotman+Queen's). Deadass just made my choice without factoring employment outcomes into it.If it makes you feel any better, the other route is just as frustrating. I'm naturally gifted in the humanities and wanted to study history but I'm hitting my head against a brick wall studying statistics and economics to get a better job later on. I feel like killing myself every time I have to look at a probability distribution or do calculus.