I've had this, as well. "Maybe this wasn't a dream after all", I would think. But then that would mean none of my dreams have ever been dreams, just pure escapism with no real will to change. I may just be the queen of escapists who spends her life running away.
It's particularly tough right now because I had been rebuilding my trust in myself and it was smashed back to square one not too long ago. Went back into "you're delusional and your whole life is delusion topped by another delusion" mode and I have no idea when I'll be back to where I had stopped. But this time, I just want to at least imagine that I can do it, or that it's possible. I don't want anyone to question "why do you want to do this" or "how are you going to", I just want someone to believe in me, because I am massively afraid of failing (especially repeatedly, as I've failed repeatedly in the past at things that meant a lot to me) and of overall never being good enough or skilled enough or smart enough or just not deserving what I truly want. I just want to be able to achieve it, even if there is no one to see it, just for myself, to prove myself that I am worthy, that I am strong, that I am good, not corrupted, not crazy, not delusional, that I am exactly what I "know" myself to be deep down, but that I've been told and shown so many times I wasn't. A tree that falls into the forest does make a sound, but that doesn't mean that anyone will hear it. Still doesn't change that it makes a sound.