Why do you care about the things you care about? Is it because they fill a void? is it because they're a part of your identity? Is it because you believe it is the right thing to do to care about that particular thing? Is what you care about actually worth caring about? Should you instead be caring about other, more important things? Or should we just care about the things we want to care about? Is following our self interest really the only thing that matters to live a good life? Should you care what others care about? Why do you care?
I care about them for many reasons, but the biggest one that comes to mind is that they're important to me. Simple as that. I can't always explain how or why but I don't even think that it some cases there even needs to be a reason. In many cases also, the caring grows even deeper as I commit to who or what I love. It doesn't even need to have a reward in return, sometimes the act of caring just... is my reward. A snail that I save from being stepped on won't ever give me money or love, but I still will want to take it with me and put it somewhere safe. The cats I would give food to in Kazakhstan, or even just give some love to, often then ran away without even looking back, but I felt happy still. I like drawing things for others or giving them small meaningful gifts, like their favourite flower or a little seashell, because the very thing of giving to them makes me happy, and I don't really think about reciprocity in this case. As a child I was surprised to learn you're supposed to "give back" when someone gives you something, or you were supposed to receive back, but assumed it was true, since, well, kids assume what adults say is true. I spent my teen years seeking reciprocity until in my early 20s I went back to this pleasure of giving without thinking about getting a reward in return.
Makes me think about the Little Prince and his rose. The rose is vain and demanding, but the Prince was still devoted to caring for her. He watered her every day still, put the globe on at night, spent time with her. He did leave his planet because she was being her kinda bitchy self, but she was always his rose regardless. I think this image perfectly sums up why I care. "It's the time you spent on your rose that makes her so important". I've tried to, but I'm unable of being that person who just lives life without caring. I just have this impulse to care, to commit, to devote myself to something or someone, or both. That's why dating culture that revolves around sex, non-committal relationships and 'rugged independence' just kills me to the point I'd rather stay away. I can't be consumeristic, I have to invest.
A story about this: my longest crush was 7 years long on and off from age 12 to 19, and still, I care for the person in question even if we probably won't ever be in contact again. The girl in question, I met her in school when I arrived in the south, didn't know her name initially so referred to her internally as "Raven" (she was dark-skinned, Sri Lankan, and often wore black at the time we met, which triggered in me something about ravens, and it has the irony that then followed a HORRIBLE period of suffering for me, like ravens are said to bring bad luck, although ofc it wasn't related to her at all), and I had the biggest boom in my creativity right after I met her. It's her who was the "revolutionary" of my creativity. She was my muse. That's when I started worldbuilding and playing with symbols for real. I was unfortunately too shy to really approach her and we both moved schools that year, so lost contact until I found her again by chance on social media, when we actually got to know each other but unfortunately she wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the room, and seemed entirely unaware that love could be same-gender. She didn't act bad to me at all even after I told her I had a little bit of a crush on her, just had no idea what that meant, and while I knew that romantically it wouldn't be possible and that even intellectually I felt like I was dropping 2 points of IQ at every of her posts, I still... I don't know, I cared about her, I still felt this affection inside of me. I comforted her when she was feeling bad, even though she never did it for me, but just this made me happy.
Unfortunately I really drew the line not because of something she did to me, but something she was doing that made me mad. She would film herself driving, and not just alone. I told her it was hella dangerous but she brushed it off, said "oh don't worry I know the road". On the second time she did it, I got really pissed, because she just had NO IDEA how dangerous she was acting to herself, and it was my trigger to delete all my social media.
Still, even today I find myself often thinking about her. I've long moved on, but still... I often wonder how she's doing. Yes, she was dumb as bricks, a typical Instagrammer that got worse with the years, sometimes straight up insufferable, but it won't ever change that I was happy giving to her, just giving, during these 7 years. I don't know if I'll meet her again in this lifetime, but there's that part of me that will still love her in this innocent and unconditional way. And honestly, I don't care whether she realized how much I cared or if she was oblivious to it. It doesn't feel important to me. I'll always remember this underlying sweetness I felt... and that was the best part.
I'd rather care and cry than not care and be a shell of a human being.