Today I went out to drink with my friends, maybe the first time since the beginning of this year. I like to drink, but more of drinking alone. When I drink, I like to chill, enjoying music of my taste, vibing with thoughts on my head, and just be transparent with myself. Now I'm outside, I need to put up a layer facade, acting like I enjoy everything. I need to bear a casual conversation with strangers that they don't actually give a shit and music that have been on repeat since 2012. I need to be conscious of my drinking pace because I might drop the facade and be my unfiltered self (learned that from experience lol.) I don't want to leave because I know my friends actually care about me and don't want me to go through another episode.