I feel really bad. This kid joins vc with me and my friend and starts telling me to "shut up nigga" and disrespecting me whenever I talk as if he knows me. He's younger than me. At first I sort of laugh it off, ask him what his problem is and what I did to him. But he ignores me and proceeds to talk to my friend.
Then when I'm talking to my friend about something else, he interjects and tells me "shut up gay ass nigga" again. I'm not one to trash talk, I don't ever trash talk, because I never let it get to me. But this kid is younger than me and for some reason, instead of just ignoring it like I usually do, I felt the need to not let him disrespect me like that. I felt like I couldn't just let him come in and make me his bitch. I'm not going to ban him because I have a pretty hands off minimal moderation attitude except when it comes to posting porn. I felt the need to retaliate. So the next time he called me a porch monkey negro, I had to consciously (my neural pathways haven't been tuned to engage in trash talk) look for the worst thing to say to him and I called him a faggot and the hard r. He responded by calling me a black negro.
I never use those words unironically but this time I used it out of a place of hate, and even I was surprised when they came out of my mouth. Doesn't help that he's black and I called him the hard r. And it felt so much worse because he is younger than me so I'm punching down. While the three of us are in vc I half jokingly tell my friend I feel bad and I went too far. My friend agrees. I tell the kid I'm sorry, he says "I don't accept your apology bitch ass nigga" and proceeds to ignore whatever I have to say. I start ignoring him. I should have just done that from the beginning. I converse with my friend, and pretend as if I don't hear him whenever he asks us something. He gets annoyed and leaves.
I'll forget about this sooner or later. But it sucks to be older. I'm still young, but I can feel my youth fading away. With each year I grow older, it becomes less acceptable by society's standards, but even more so my own, to act reckless and immature, especially around those younger than I. I think what really bothers me is that he is younger than me. That's it. It's one thing to be toxic to somebody older than you. But it feels wrong to do it someone younger than you.
I wish I could be young and reckless forever.
What do you guys think?
Then when I'm talking to my friend about something else, he interjects and tells me "shut up gay ass nigga" again. I'm not one to trash talk, I don't ever trash talk, because I never let it get to me. But this kid is younger than me and for some reason, instead of just ignoring it like I usually do, I felt the need to not let him disrespect me like that. I felt like I couldn't just let him come in and make me his bitch. I'm not going to ban him because I have a pretty hands off minimal moderation attitude except when it comes to posting porn. I felt the need to retaliate. So the next time he called me a porch monkey negro, I had to consciously (my neural pathways haven't been tuned to engage in trash talk) look for the worst thing to say to him and I called him a faggot and the hard r. He responded by calling me a black negro.
I never use those words unironically but this time I used it out of a place of hate, and even I was surprised when they came out of my mouth. Doesn't help that he's black and I called him the hard r. And it felt so much worse because he is younger than me so I'm punching down. While the three of us are in vc I half jokingly tell my friend I feel bad and I went too far. My friend agrees. I tell the kid I'm sorry, he says "I don't accept your apology bitch ass nigga" and proceeds to ignore whatever I have to say. I start ignoring him. I should have just done that from the beginning. I converse with my friend, and pretend as if I don't hear him whenever he asks us something. He gets annoyed and leaves.
I'll forget about this sooner or later. But it sucks to be older. I'm still young, but I can feel my youth fading away. With each year I grow older, it becomes less acceptable by society's standards, but even more so my own, to act reckless and immature, especially around those younger than I. I think what really bothers me is that he is younger than me. That's it. It's one thing to be toxic to somebody older than you. But it feels wrong to do it someone younger than you.
I wish I could be young and reckless forever.
What do you guys think?
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