I want to live in the moment and not mask that through entertainment. I want to fast. I want to feel pain. I don't want an easy life. I want to suffer rightly.
"I exist.' In thousands of agonies — I exist. I'm tormented on the rack — but I exist! Though I sit alone in a pillar — I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there."
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov