What to tell the normies?

[Voicedrew]

I made a profile post (https://forum.agoraroad.com/index.php?members/voicedrew.5864/#profile-post-22600), and it got a lot of good replies, so I am making a thread for this topic.

Here is the question: When a normie asks you what you do with your free time, or what kind of music you like, or another adjacent question, what do you tell them? You can obviously lie (as some commenters suggested), but something about that approach occurs to me as inherently wrong. So lets assume for this exploration that you are not allowed to bullshit by saying you like contemporary pop artist X.

I recently had this question asked me by a female coworker. All I could really do was sit in silence and think about what I should say. I know that if i said, "I watch youtube videos, I listen to obscure podcast x and y, I go to the gym, I watch anime, post on a vaporwave forum, manage my website, administer a webring, write software, read the bible, watch theology and apologetics videos, make vaporwave music, cook, clean, BATHE, read books, and half a dozen other things" they wouldn't understand half the shit i'm saying.

This problem persists for me when talking to basically anybody outside of my friends and family, who I am more comfortable just showing, rather than explaining. It's also harder depending on the degree of normie you're speaking to. Some people, seriously, will not know of, or even have the foundations for understanding certain things.

In this thread, I want to attempt to alleviate this problem. When someone asks you what kind of music you like, how can you explain vaporwave to them in a way they will understand? How do you reconcile the things they find fun (which from what I can tell amounts to watching netflix, scrollin' and partying on the weekends), with what you find fun. How can you explain your interests from their starting point.

Thank you to all who reply.

 

[Mеченый Яков]

When a normie asks you what you do with your free time, or what kind of music you like, or another adjacent question, what do you tell them?

"Not much, usually i play videogames or watch anime, but when i get creative i love to compose music and draw stuff, in fact i recently drew **insert the recent draw i made** hahaha, oh and i also love to cook and take long walks with music on my ears, is how life flows, good times"

And if you both has something in common, the conversation will flow.

But as you can see, there was many thing said in that sentence that would make a normie start asking questions, then you follow the flow, ask their questions and that's how the conversation goes, i think your problem is that you were overly specific, not vague enough to let the person actually ask on curiosity, most normies would be interested in things that they never heard before if you present it in a very misterious and even more interesting way than it is, is something i learnt in marketing, it is called "uncertainty" and because humans are curious being, is basically driven a moth to a lamp lol

In any case, why would you want to hold conversation with a normie? I talk with them everyday everytime, and is just boring they don't have anything to contribute, like at all, they are cool for taking some beers and laughs or just spent the time, but friends or romance? Makes no sense, i couldn't really feel interested in someone i couldn't really connect with, looks matter almost nothing to me, so yeah.

But i got distracted my point is, stop saying so many things at once, focus on the few that could be interesting for a conversation and let it ambiguous so the other person can follow the conversation, don't overwhelm people with topics that are very niche, that would come as either pretentious or just plain old weird,.

 

[Mеченый Яков]

also, stop overanalyzing everything like this, it will makes stuff harder to get and will only frustrated you, go with the flow, trust me, as one wise ass kicker told me once, "don't think, feel."

(half life) Source: me a neurodivergent person

 

[imnotdeadyet]

So lets assume for this exploration that you are not allowed to bullshit by saying you like contemporary pop artist X.

If we're not lying, you can always try to expand your tastes to include normie friendly media, expanding your general tastes can be good and there has to be something normie friendly that you could enjoy but this would be a lot of effort for mostly small talk. If you would like to form a genuine connection on the other hand it could be a good start.

I know that if i said... they wouldn't understand half the shit i'm saying.

That's why I would try with things that you think they could understand. Like YouTube videos, that could open you to many topics as they'll inevitably ask "oh what do you watch?". Cooking is also one that could work, people love people who know how to cook and if they know how to cook it opens you to many cooking based topics.

When someone asks you what kind of music you like, how can you explain vaporwave to them in a way they will understand?

I say don't explain, show it to them. There really is no way to "explain" a genre well so play them a track that you think would be palatable. If they like the music then you can expand on that. Rarely anyone wants a massive lore dump regarding vaporwave or anything really if they don't even what it is or how it sounds. If they don't like it they don't like it, can't really do anything about it even if something is objectively better then something else.

How do you reconcile the things they find fun (which from what I can tell amounts to watching netflix, scrollin' and partying on the weekends), with what you find fun. How can you explain your interests from their starting point.

Some might disagree with me but I'd argue that, just having to approach hobbies from a "i have to explain it" already starts you off incompatible with many normies. Most normies don't really deeply think about what they find fun or consume and they expect to connect with people that are in the same way. Most media talk never goes above small talk level and rarely goes into detail unless they're a really big fan. What I usually do is get the person to talk about their interests and somehow try to connect my interests with theirs and find a common ground if it's even possible. Sometimes you have to let them dominate (or at least think they dominate) the conversation and be a good listener and work from what they tell you to try to connect.

But I have to ask why? Why bother so much to connect to a normie on a higher level when in most cases you don't have anything in common?

 

[MindControlBoxer]

The most important thing I learned during my teenager years is that people do nothing else but the thing they're into and loads of people do nothing at all(slopfed netflix n doomscroll), The most important thing in life its to have one "normie" hobby not only so you can tell people but also so that you don't become too schizo detached out of touch with reality.

Saying things like, I play [insert sport] or even I WATCH[insert sport], I go hiking , boxing, etc.
Saying that Will probably be more than the person asking the question goes.
Just say you go to the gym or read books, you don't need to explain everything in great detail.

 

[Punp]

"What are you into?"

"I like X"

"That's great! I'm into 'X-adjacent activity', what's your experience of X like?"

"blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

"Can you watch my dog this weekend?"

 

[Voicedrew]

If we're not lying, you can always try to expand your tastes to include normie friendly media, expanding your general tastes can be good and there has to be something normie friendly that you could enjoy but this would be a lot of effort for mostly small talk. If you would like to form a genuine connection on the other hand it could be a good start.


That's why I would try with things that you think they could understand. Like YouTube videos, that could open you to many topics as they'll inevitably ask "oh what do you watch?". Cooking is also one that could work, people love people who know how to cook and if they know how to cook it opens you to many cooking based topics.


I say don't explain, show it to them. There really is no way to "explain" a genre well so play them a track that you think would be palatable. If they like the music then you can expand on that. Rarely anyone wants a massive lore dump regarding vaporwave or anything really if they don't even what it is or how it sounds. If they don't like it they don't like it, can't really do anything about it even if something is objectively better then something else.


Some might disagree with me but I'd argue that, just having to approach hobbies from a "i have to explain it" already starts you off incompatible with many normies. Most normies don't really deeply think about what they find fun or consume and they expect to connect with people that are in the same way. Most media talk never goes above small talk level and rarely goes into detail unless they're a really big fan. What I usually do is get the person to talk about their interests and somehow try to connect my interests with theirs and find a common ground if it's even possible. Sometimes you have to let them dominate (or at least think they dominate) the conversation and be a good listener and work from what they tell you to try to connect.

But I have to ask why? Why bother so much to connect to a normie on a higher level when in most cases you don't have anything in common?

You know, I hadn't really thought about it until I read your reply, but I think there is a part of me that is seriously worried about judgment. This is quite the new development, as throughout high school, I never had any issue being very publicly against the grain. I think that did me a lot of good; people respected me a lot more for it.

Something feels different here in the workplace, though. I feel a strong pull towards needing to either fit in with my peers, or say nothing at all. It seems to apply to ever facet of conversation, from what one does for fun, to politics, to music and beyond.

 

[no_chill]

This is a very very odd thing to ask. And even more weird to invent lies for the perceived normies. Unsincere people are very bad energy wise and it will damage your spirit and soul in the long run. But this is how the internet raises you. Online "communities" most definitely.

Without sounding too aggressive, and I dont have a grudge against you or anything, but I do consider you to be a normie too you know. Just a bit of a nerd and otaku but that comes with being into coding, which is very introverted by nature.

What is it that you cant share with normies? That you are not pro globohomo? That you think women shouldn't dress like whores ready to be paid and fucked? That you are Christian? Nothing is out of the ordinary here. You find many people with the same opinions or beliefs down the road. Or prove me wrong please.

Since you mention the workplace: Work or Corpo culture is by default a Show. An opera, everyone wears masks, dances in the same pace and only shows very little, or the most agreeable things to get you through the act.

It's a reflex, a natural and subconscious safety mechanism for defense because you found yourself in the odd environment of being in a circle with a lot of people from different ages, values, beliefs etc.
Very different from you, and people you wouldn't otherwise never ever cross paths with or sit at the same table with. Its here to prevent any fights or disagreements that would normally arise. It's a play pretend community circle happening from 8:00 to 16:00 for 5 days a week (this can vary).
See Carl Gustav Jung and Personas for further reading. Jungian psychology. It also taps into occultism and hermeticism, but you are already set on walking the blinded path, so I don't think you find that knowledge particularly pleasing.
Its ok to not share everything or keep conversations very shallow and mundane at work. You don't need to make friends there, you only need to pass 8 hours without conflict and get paid at the end of the month so you can do things you actually live for.

Also what some suggest at interacting with "normies" just makes you come across pretty autistic and socially undeveloped. Creepy even. A great sin I do consider.

Whatever hobby or thing you have, you can share it with most people. Doesn't mean they need to understand or have a positive opinion towards you. It's you, and solely you that can make it sound awkward.

Be sincere and truthful. Your words hold immense power and are the foundation for anything, including the royal arts. As within so without.

 

[scroll]

Without sounding too aggressive, and I dont have a grudge against you or anything, but I do consider you to be a normie too you know.
Also what some suggest at interacting with "normies" just makes you come across pretty autistic and socially undeveloped. Creepy even. A great sin I do consider.

You talk like a fag and your shit's all retarded

 

[MindControlBoxer]

Snip

This is so unhinged lmao

 

[Dr. MacGutsy]

I just say wacky shit and hope they think it's funny. If they take to it I take that as an OK to talk about my personal life. Anyway, just be yourself and be honest. If they don't know what something is, just explain it. They very well might take interest and you could have a new friend. If they don't like what you do or just don't understand it's no big deal. The age old "just be yourself."

 

[RisingThumb]

Something feels different here in the workplace, though. I feel a strong pull towards needing to either fit in with my peers, or say nothing at all. It seems to apply to ever facet of conversation, from what one does for fun, to politics, to music and beyond.

It doesn't just feel different, it is different. At school, you don't need to work with others, and most western countries make schooling compulsory(and a lot of parents can't homeschool) so the kids have to go to school. If they get expelled, it's a win for them in the short term since they get to play videogames or fuck off and do what they want. As a result, you are rewarded in the short term for being rebellious in school. This continues to be the case in College and Universities. Consider the amount of people who take pride in their sleep deprivation, ill health and craven party routines.

In work, there is a company culture, and they are paying you to be there. You'd better be damn irreplaceable or have some bloody good job security if you want to be disagreeable. A lot of the best programmers are like this, as are the best people in their trades. The Pareto principle hammers this home. 20% of the people do 80% of the work. But it's very hard to tell where you lie on that in work, so since you need work for your livelihood, your money- and most people are not very keen to do nepotism or networking, then you'll fall in line with the work's culture- or at least distance yourself from it.

Here is the question: When a normie asks you what you do with your free time, or what kind of music you like, or another adjacent question, what do you tell them? You can obviously lie (as some commenters suggested), but something about that approach occurs to me as inherently wrong. So lets assume for this exploration that you are not allowed to bullshit by saying you like contemporary pop artist X.

I recently had this question asked me by a female coworker. All I could really do was sit in silence and think about what I should say. I know that if i said, "I watch youtube videos, I listen to obscure podcast x and y, I go to the gym, I watch anime, post on a vaporwave forum, manage my website, administer a webring, write software, read the bible, watch theology and apologetics videos, make vaporwave music, cook, clean, BATHE, read books, and half a dozen other things" they wouldn't understand half the shit i'm saying.

First off, are you human? You realise a lot of the discussion here is one of empathising. You can only get what other people like, if they get what you like and vice versa. When you dehumanise them as normies and toss out any thought or point they have, you're completely discarding any empathy. Empathy is about understanding someone. Communication that has gone well between two people, has both sides understanding the other.

they wouldn't understand half the shit i'm saying.

More accurately, you don't understand them enough to help them understand you. The reasons and stories tied to something you do, still have your own emotional ties, and if you can express your interest in it in a way that shares that emotion, then they'll understand it's meaningful and what an impact it's had on you. Also "Watch anime" dude, loads of people do that, Studio Ghibli is a household name. Forum posting? They post on social media which is just a different type of forum. Manage your website? Do you even understand why software development is so awesome? That it's spells you can cast that can move entire mountains, that can produce huge amounts of entertainment, and accomplish great feats of engineering? Reading the Bible, watching theology and apologetics videos, sure, just say you go to church. Making music? You realise the ability to CREATE is one of the most powerful things of all, and you can express your creations, which is easy for something primal and raw like music. Cooking? Food is the quickest way to a man's heart.

Are you noticing a pattern here? What you're doing is just describing "I do X". Most people don't care that you do X. Now if you can talk about why it's awesome, how it connects to the human experience, boil it into something understandable, then you'll be understood.

I recently had this question asked me by a female coworker.

A lot of people struggle to speak to women, because they haven't had the practice. Go on Omegle or something and start talking more to the other sex if you're inexperienced with it. Women really like men who are honest, confident and who are competent. Unfortunately a lot of those are masked in dark triad traits(narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy). Women who have had good father figures can easily tell the difference between the two(like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, who can tell between a psychologically deep, competent, confident and honest person who isn't malicious, as opposed to the Chad looking bloke in it)... but our society has a real problem with absent Fathers. It's often said that Women are more emotional creatures than they are visual creatures, so if you are good at empathy, practice understanding their signals(it's a skill you CAN learn, even if they aren't immediately obvious to you) and can express your emotions well rather than leaving them tense inside yourself, you'll find success.

This point on the other sex is important because of hyperstitions. A lot of women come with the idea "All men are trash", and a lot of men come with the idea "All women are whores", which when enough people hold either view, they affirm each other, even if the original views are completely baseless.

The age old "just be yourself."

This is true. Like I said above, being yourself is pretty much being competent at something, confident and honest. "yourself" is something a lot of people have a lot of shame about- despite themselves being human, the most relatable thing to humans.

 

[no_chill]

It doesn't just feel different, it is different. At school, you don't need to work with others, and most western countries make schooling compulsory(and a lot of parents can't homeschool) so the kids have to go to school. If they get expelled, it's a win for them in the short term since they get to play videogames or fuck off and do what they want. As a result, you are rewarded in the short term for being rebellious in school. This continues to be the case in College and Universities. Consider the amount of people who take pride in their sleep deprivation, ill health and craven party routines.

In work, there is a company culture, and they are paying you to be there. You'd better be damn irreplaceable or have some bloody good job security if you want to be disagreeable. A lot of the best programmers are like this, as are the best people in their trades. The Pareto principle hammers this home. 20% of the people do 80% of the work. But it's very hard to tell where you lie on that in work, so since you need work for your livelihood, your money- and most people are not very keen to do nepotism or networking, then you'll fall in line with the work's culture- or at least distance yourself from it.

First off, are you human? You realise a lot of the discussion here is one of empathising. You can only get what other people like, if they get what you like and vice versa. When you dehumanise them as normies and toss out any thought or point they have, you're completely discarding any empathy. Empathy is about understanding someone. Communication that has gone well between two people, has both sides understanding the other.

More accurately, you don't understand them enough to help them understand you. The reasons and stories tied to something you do, still have your own emotional ties, and if you can express your interest in it in a way that shares that emotion, then they'll understand it's meaningful and what an impact it's had on you. Also "Watch anime" dude, loads of people do that, Studio Ghibli is a household name. Forum posting? They post on social media which is just a different type of forum. Manage your website? Do you even understand why software development is so awesome? That it's spells you can cast that can move entire mountains, that can produce huge amounts of entertainment, and accomplish great feats of engineering? Reading the Bible, watching theology and apologetics videos, sure, just say you go to church. Making music? You realise the ability to CREATE is one of the most powerful things of all, and if you can express your creations, which is easy for something primal and raw like music. Cooking? Food is the quickest way to a man's heart.

Are you noticing a pattern here? What you're doing is just describing "I do X". Most people don't care that you do X. Now if you can talk about why it's awesome, how it connects to the human experience, boil it into something understandable, then you'll be understood.

A lot of people struggle to speak to women, because they haven't had the practice. Go on Omegle or something and start talking more to the other sex if you're inexperienced with it. Women really like men who are honest, confident and who are competent. Unfortunately a lot of those are masked in dark triad traits(narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy). Women who have had good father figures can easily tell the difference between the two(like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, who can tell between a psychologically deep, competent, confident and honest person who isn't malicious, as opposed to the Chad looking bloke in it)... but our society has a real problem with absent Fathers. It's often said that Women are more emotional creatures than they are visual creatures, so if you are good at empathy, practice understanding their signals(it's a skill you CAN learn, even if they aren't immediately obvious to you) and can express your emotions well rather than leaving them tense inside yourself, you'll find success.

This point on the other sex is important because of hyperstitions. A lot of women come with the idea "All men are trash", and a lot of men come with the idea "All women are whores", which when enough people hold either view, they affirm each other, even if the original views are completely baseless.

This is true. Like I said above, being yourself is pretty much being competent at something, confident and honest. "yourself" is something a lot of people have a lot of shame about- despite themselves being human, the most relatable thing to humans.

I wonder if you also get people saying you sound like a fag or ones that find the reply amusing.

This forum and most users declined in quality a lot recently.

 

[Regal]

Ultimately this is a conversation of marketing. You need to learn to market your interests and skills to a broader audience.

You say: "I watch youtube videos, I listen to obscure podcast x and y, I go to the gym, I watch anime, post on a vaporwave forum, manage my website, administer a webring, write software, read the bible, watch theology and apologetics videos, make vaporwave music, cook, clean, BATHE, read books, and half a dozen other things"

Say instead: "I spend a lot of time researching and discussing [XYZ topics that you're watching and listening to]. I also help run some hobby internet sites because I believe we should spend less time on social media. Sometimes I even make techno music."

Something like that. Don't list the things everyone else does like cook and clean, you weirdo. Doing the basics are implied. "What do you do in your free time" is better translated to "What makes you interesting?"

 

[manpaint]

Well I usually just says "stuff". When they ask me to elaborate, I just say "secrets". This is a good way to terminate a cobversation.

But assuming I could not say the above for whatever reason, I will just simply the hell of what I am actually doing as to not make the conversation last forever. For me that would be "meditation and dogital archivism", although in reality that would translate into doing Chinjob and cleaning up my computer.

 

[Voicedrew]

Thanks for the reply

Without sounding too aggressive, and I dont have a grudge against you or anything, but I do consider you to be a normie too you know. Just a bit of a nerd and otaku but that comes with being into coding, which is very introverted by nature.

It was probably very premature of me to use the term 'normie' in this thread, as its a bit of a tainted term and paints those who I am trying to talk to as lesser in some way. They definitely aren't, they just are interested in different things than me.

What is it that you cant share with normies? That you are not pro globohomo? That you think women shouldn't dress like whores ready to be paid and fucked? That you are Christian? Nothing is out of the ordinary here. You find many people with the same opinions or beliefs down the road. Or prove me wrong please.

As it turns out, I am actually working in the office of a socialist political candidate (don't worry, connections got me here) for the summer, so yes, all those ideas are heretical to express. I'm sure you're familiar with the story of the girl at my work who berated me for saying I think beyonce shows off her body too much (after asking me for MY perspective). It's probably the case that this is just a particularly hostile environment, and that it will get better.

Its ok to not share everything or keep conversations very shallow and mundane at work. You don't need to make friends there, you only need to pass 8 hours without conflict and get paid at the end of the month so you can do things you actually live for.

I suppose so. I'm just really feeling the the high school experience contrasted with the workplace experience. It does feel quite sad though, I must admit.

 

[vulonkaaz]

this thread kinda reminds me of when a schoolmate (was a webdev school for context and most people were 30+ yrs old normies) asked me the questions and I showed him my site and some of the shitposts i do for fun

the guy was here clueless about internet culture and trying to understand the meaning in the most absurd and obscure memes I ever made and trying to decipher whatever hidden trauma lead me to do shit like trollge incidents and stuff

 

[Skookumsquitch]

If none of the above works, you could just respond honestly. Maybe the person who's asked might respect your honesty and openness to leave yourself vulnerable to judgement by openly talking about activities most would find... odd.
Or they'll think you're a loser and rescind any interest in your personal life forever. Bit of a gamble but might be worth it?

 

[scroll]

I wonder if you also get people saying you sound like a fag or ones that find the reply amusing.

This forum and most users declined in quality a lot recently.

It was an Idiocracy reference, so that would be fitting. But it is meant with self-depracation. I just don't take kindly to you calling OP an ignorant autist and normie in the same breath.

 

[Voicedrew]

Thanks for the reply

First off, are you human? You realise a lot of the discussion here is one of empathising. You can only get what other people like, if they get what you like and vice versa. When you dehumanise them as normies and toss out any thought or point they have, you're completely discarding any empathy. Empathy is about understanding someone. Communication that has gone well between two people, has both sides understanding the other.

It was definitely a mistake for me to call them normies. I seriously didn't intend to paint any such individual as lesser than me. This was especially retarded since when I am talking about normies the people I am thinking about are my coworkers.

After reading @no_chill's reply, I'm thinking it's possible they are doing exactly what he said; showing only the most agreeable parts of themselves to participate in the act. It would then, entirely make sense for me to think of them that way, as they too are keeping anything even slightly heterodox or esoteric about themselves a secret.

More accurately, you don't understand them enough to help them understand you.

A lot of people struggle to speak to women, because they haven't had the practice.

Something I completely omitted from my original post was that literally (I mean it) all of my coworkers are extroverted, people oriented women. I by contrast, am and introverted, object-oriented guy. This might be a driving force behind this disconnect. While they are quite passionate about the latest celebrity drama, or that new television show that everyone is watching, I couldn't give two hoots. Likewise, why would they care about what it's like to run a website, or a shockingly obscure type of music. This certainly doesn't account for everything, but it probably accounts for a lot of it.

I must admit, I am in a pretty weird environment at the moment. I work in the office of a campaigning socialist in my city, I feel as if I let to much of my self out there, I will be crushed for it.

I'm sure you're familiar with the story of the girl at my work who berated me for saying I think beyonce shows off her body too much (after asking me for MY perspective).

The one time I tried to express myself honestly in this place, I got put in my place. I am worried that if I reveal enough about myself, the broader picture of who I am will be revealed. My coworkers say some extremely vile shit about Conservatives, what happens, then, if I am identified as one? I felt like I was going to cry after the beyonce girl finished shouting at me, what then, might happen if I have a disagreement on something less inane?

Thanks for your post, I feel like my thinking on this topic is a little more developed.