I've always valued honesty, and I've been as honest as I could be. I've been told from my youth that honesty sets you free. That hiding nothing is the key to peace and happiness. I've lived my live this way until now, and it's gotten me nowhere.
I realize now that everyone doesn't want to be your friend, and in fact, most people are only looking out for themselves. Something shared with a trusted friend in confidence is later used as ammunition in an argument. The key to happy friendships and healthy relationships is honesty? Wrong. People only think that they value honesty. When someone is truly honest with them it makes them uncomfortable. Opinions good or bad. The more honest you are, the less people want to be around you.
Everyone is wearing masks and playing a game. It's all theater. How did it take me so long to notice? How did I never see that no one is being perfectly honest but me? I've shared so much about myself to people so freely and so willingly and heard nothing in return. It should have been a red flag. I should have noticed!!! The key to happy friendships and healthy relationships is dishonesty. The key is to be the most manicured version of yourself, or not yourself at all. The perfect, true, honest self is for you and God alone. Relationships are a game.
Moments of confidence should be used only strategically. Your true self is a deck of cards in a game of poker, you win nothing by laying your cards on the table. It won't make your fellow players like you. In fact, they'll turn into hungry wolves ready to steal your chips. I owe no one anything. No information. No memories. Nothing. They're for me and me alone. I'm going to start giving people what they want. Myself through a filter. The filter of the perfect me as I see it.
Yet, even by posting this I'm being honest. I have much to learn.
