This particular story involves a very fat young woman, a fat suit and an unfortunate rather small thai ladyboy.
One day at the office, those rare days I'm there actually. Sat around talking shit with everyone playing retarded office games. Boss comes in with a new job. Usual story, rich guy's daughter has gone off on a party train and he's sick of paying for it. I Want her brought back.
It is actually the most mundane and normal of jobs. Normally these girls go off with daddy's credit card and hit a string of bars and clubs with it and anyone willing to pretend to be their friend. This goes on until daddy cuts off the card then they find other ways to pay and fall in with a different crowd. We find her easily enough. Dumb bitch keeps trying to use her cards.
The flight doesn't take long and she is still trying to use them. I mean my god how f**king dense can you be? Locate her in a bland as f**k theme nightclub. Ice everywhere, place is f**king cold, drinks come in ice. F**king whack shit yo. She's easy to spot. The land whale hammering the card reader shouting abuse at the staff. Wonder why nobody has thrown her out yet.
We come up behind her and tell the barman we'll cover the tab, inform her that her father sent us. Normally this is enough to make the young girls become quiet and co-operative.
Not this whale.
She pushes us aside and starts running.
Despite her size bitch can run and we lose her in the crowd on the streets. The whale vanishes beneath the waves and by waves I mean crowd.
We shrug and try to figure out her next port of call. Argument ensues between us over our failure to stop a little girl (she's 16) . Younger guy points out that she probably weighs as much as the two of us put together. Argument continues until we get another hit on the cards. She's in a restaurant this time.
We get there and jesus f**king christ she's sat at this huge table covered in empty plates, the staff reveal she ate it all. Pay the tab, try to grab her. Better luck is had this time with all four of us grabbing her and trying to pull her out of the restaurant with her screaming and shouting all the while.
Guy back at home suggests a fishing net or something (doho) and reveals a few of her tastes. Namely large quantities of cheap tacky cocktails, fast food and fat guys. Weird but whatever. Fishnet does get approval from the group mind you so we procure a net from a nearby theme restaurant. The hunt for the whale resumes.
Bingo. Another card hit. This time a strip club. Hit the club and find her arguing with the barman screaming that she needs money for the stripper. Barman is clearly terrified. She's laid on the bar grabbing hold of the barman while a bouncer tries to pull her off.
We help and throw the net over her. Critical success. She falls over flat on her face and starts crying. Sufficiently restrained. She's left a sort of grease stain on the countertop and the whole thing seems to have buckled under the strain. Pay for damages. Start dragging her fat ass out of the place. As we leave, notice the stripclub is full of fat women staring at us disapprovingly. Realise we better hurry the f**k up.
As we're leaving a fat guy barges through the door past us too. Wonder for a moment what the f**k is going on then notice the strippers are f**king gigantic. Confused as f**k. Noticing the phones, we panic, drag her fat ass into the car and speed away quickly.
One of us fishes the target's phone out of her purse and starts going through it. After a good twenty minutes of this fat slob sobbing in the car between bouts of screaming at us we hear a loud"ohhhh that explains it" from our partner in crime with the phone. Turns out the land whale had helped finance a"positive body image stripper night" at the club with a bunch of other fatties. Why in Thailand? f**k if I know. Realise all her friends will be calling the cops.
Call the boss and ask for a way out. He says lay low and he'll work on it.
It works for a while and we're just relaxing as we hear a loud snap as he/she breaks the cuffs and ropes. THE WHALE IS LOOSE! What follows is a good hour of chasing this land whale around the warehouse trying to subdue her.
Eventually manage to lock her in a toilet with a load of stuff braced against the door. Windows too tiny for her to escape from. She keeps hammering at the door for the next few hours and we realise we gotta do something. Our man with the phone has been sitting there reading for a while now. Being generally useless. Turns out he was trained as a forensic psychologist or some such shit and he was just figuring her out.
Explains how she wound up here in Thailand. Nothing special, just a bunch of her fatty SJW friends wanted to go on a sexual vacation like other women and made sure to tailor it to their tastes. With the rich fatty bankrolling the whole thing. That's a really fascinating mate but useless to us. Tells us that all we need to do to keep her under control is to give her the fantasy she wants.
Well mate sounds like you just volunteered since she ain't gotten a good look at you yet. oh hell naw he goes. But the damage is done. He points out lack of fatness and we realise this is a problem. Call the boss and tell him we need a fatsuit. Boss says can do it.
Twenty minutes later one fat suit arrives. Gotta love him sometimes. He just makes shit happen. Realise that someone is gonna have to pork her and it can't be the one in the suit due to his penis not being like a foot long. Cut up the fatsuit and make a cavity someone can hide in. Realise it has to be a small someone.
Problem is debated. Option of cutting off one guy's legs comes up but is quickly discarded. Consensus achieved. We need a tiny guy with a big dick. Four of us pile into the car and set off to find such a man. Eventually after half an hour of searching we stop to ask these ladyboys if they know anyone like that.
This tiny ladyboy who would be short for a woman who is wearing an oddly long skirt for a ladyboy, lifts it halfway revealing the tip of a substantial cock. SOLD LITTLE LADYBOY! He piles into the car and we try to explain the situation but he just seems confused by it all. Drive back to the warehouse.
After a further ten minutes of explanation get tired of it and stuff the ladyboy in the fatsuit. Someone has to make sure his cock is positioned right. Not it.
The barricade is removed and our failed psychiatrist or whatever he was pretends he has rescued the fatty from the evil cis scum and come to whisk her away on a romantic adventure or some such shit. We do our best to act defeated. Fatty is whisked away to the airport where the client of our other team has sent a plane to pick them up. We figure let's be green and all go on it.
Fatsuit guy takes fatty into the back of the plane claiming it's his where there's a rather nice bedroom and spends the flight having the ladyboy pork her while everyone else sits up front and pretends they can't hear her moans and screams.
We arrange a limo to pick her up and the fatsuit guy goes with. Ladyboy pokes her some more in the limo we are later told. Poor ladyboy and fatsuit guy only got a brief break while she was sleeping. Her snoring seemed to shake the plane. Fatty is dropped off at her fathers. He shakes the fatsuit guy's hand but once the daughter starts talking about what happened he becomes concerned and the fatsuit guy assures him the penis was not real as he is wearing a fatsuit.
Fattys father is pleased. Fatsuit guy takes off the fatsuit to prove a point. Fattys father inspects it saying it is very lifelike. Fatsuit guy makes up excuses and quickly bails relating all this to us later.
Poor thai ladyboy is released for good. Poor bastard spends the next hour drinking everything in the minibar as the plane continues to the next drop off. We wind up paying the ladyboy a full share of the pay and pay for his trip back home.
I don't think he had ever seen so much money in one place. Seemed pretty damn pleased.
Shit was generally f**king crazy.
There you have it. The story of the fatsuit and ladyboy. Abridged heavily as I am cooking food.